Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4:
When Kevin woke up, it was time for breakfast. Still wearing the baggy Herobrine t-shirt and basketball shorts he'd gone to sleep in, Kevin brushed his teeth and went down the stairs to the dining room. As he turned around the last spiral of the staircase, he saw Renfield busily pushing food around the stovetop, wearing a loose blue-striped button-down and a nightcap. Further down the counter, Kevin's mom leaned her back against the edge of the sink, speaking into a stick with a cup on the end that Kevin eventually realized was a telephone. At the head of the dining room table—a twenty-foot slab of polished oak—sat Kevin's uncle, who was Dracula, wearing his usual morning tuxedo.
"Good morning," boomed Kevin's uncle, who was Dracula, "My dear Kevin, who is--"
Kevin's mom glared at Kevin's uncle, who was Dracula.
"--Who is Dracula's nephew. Please, be seated. Renfield, whom I call Friendfield, as he is my friend, will shortly serve us breakfast."
"Exactly so," said Renfield.
"I call it 'breakfast'," said Kevin's uncle, who was Dracula, "Because it 'breaks' our nightly 'fast'."
"Exactly so," said Renfield.
Kevin pulled out a chair three seats down the table from his uncle, who was Dracula, and sat on the plush crimson leather. He scooted the chair forward until his legs were tucked beneath the table and the carved oak pushed into his ribs.
"Tell me, young man," said Kevin's uncle, who was Dracula, as soon as Kevin sat down, "Do you have any plans for the day? Perhaps a hike along the Argeș? It is a beautiful river under the moonlight, so I imagine it must be so under the sun." After a moment's thought: "Though probably a bit steep on foot, ha ha. Do you know, my dear nephew, who is Dracula's dear Kevin, that "Vidraru" is a new lake? Only dammed in 1965, just a twinkling of the eye past. A good day hike for a boy your age, I'd say, following the Argeș just a few kilo—"
Clack! as the stick-and-cup telephone landed back on its hook. Kevin's mom huffed, pinching the bridge of her nose, then dropped herself into a seat between Kevin and Kevin's uncle, who was Dracula. Renfield lifted a still-sizzling pan from the stove and began to orbit the table, pushing sausages onto their plates. Kevin split one with his fork, seeing a purple mixture of... nothing that he could make out. Not a hotdog, Kevin was sure of that.
"Our dear mechanic—," began Kevin's uncle, who was Dracula.
"Three days," said Kevin's mom, "Just to get the new serpentine belt."
"Ah. The exchange rate should be favorable, at least?"
"Exactly so," said Renfield, as he finished pouring water into Kevin's glass.
Kevin's mom massaged her temples. Kevin's uncle, who was Dracula, frowned. He (Kevin's uncle (Dracula)) was looking at where her elbows met the table. Kevin finished chewing his bite of not-hotdog, then moved his own elbow off the table.
After a moment, Kevin's uncle, who was Dracula, began speaking again. "Well, I will simply have to extend you my hospitality a few more days. It's no imposition; I am always happy to have you here in my cozy little house. It can get a little lonely here, just Friendfield and myself."
"Exactly so," said Renfield, as he scrubbed at the frying pan.
Kevin frowned. "What about those three women upstairs?"
"Who?" asked Kevin's mom.
"Who?" asked Renfield.
"Who?" asked Kevin's uncle, who was Dracula.