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posts from @pervocracy tagged #gender

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JhoiraArtificer
@JhoiraArtificer

I don't talk about this a lot, but reading Whipping Girl (Julia Serano) really changed my relationship with gender. I was fine with being a woman, I didn't really feel drawn to being anything else, but I never really felt it was okay to actively like being a woman until I read her work.

My version of womanhood and what it means to me is probably about as actively constructed as any trans woman's, but it never felt quite legit to want to be a woman (since I didn't start it as a conscious thing). Reading that "woman" is always constructed made it feel achievable and legitimate for me, too.


pervocracy
@pervocracy

Conversely, talking to and reading the writing of trans women is how I figured out I was a trans man, because my previous view had been basically "nobody really wants to be a woman, we're all just kinda stuck with it, right"

and then I learned from women who very much want to express themselves as women and be recognized as women, even when all the social pressure is pushing them the other way

and that's how I realized that this was a Me Problem

(it's complicated tbh because there's lots of parts of womanhood under patriarchy that lots of women have entirely valid objections to. nobody cis or trans welcomes everything society expects of women. but when you find yourself objecting to all of it, well.)



the most positive feeling I get about my gender on a regular basis honestly isn't euphoria - I got that at first but at this point my hedonic treadmill has kinda caught up - but escape.

there's such a big ugly powerful system that says your body determines who you're allowed to be but they couldn't catch me! I got away!

and in the face of this feeling every worry I have about being a Real Man (as if that's a thing) melts away because I didn't get away from one trap just to bumble into the other god dammit. Big Gender can't take me back noway nohow! I'm on my own now and I'm never going back!



"Ugh, being trans in this world is just a constant slow drag on my energy. Always gotta wonder who Knows and who's Okay with it and every aspect of my appearance is Political and oh god what if I accidentally make more than 0.003 seconds of eye contact with a guy in the bathroom and... was this all a huge mistake? Did I talk myself into this? Did I want to be special and different? Did I want to fit in with my cool queer friends? Wait, aren't those last two opposites? Anyway I just don't know if any of this was really worth making myself into one of the most targeted minorities of 2023."

"Well, you do have options. You could try living as a woman."

"I could what? Why would I do that???"



amagire
@amagire

like I don't want to get "oooo trans people are more evolved" about it but honestly it's no wonder gender transgression becomes frightening so easily if you're cis. like how mommy disappears when she covers her eyes with her hands for a second.


pervocracy
@pervocracy

I don't think trans people are inherently more evolved, and there are certainly those among us who were led to the water and yet did not drink

but going through the process of transition you sure do get a deluxe behind-the-scenes tour of how arbitrarily gender presentation is constructed

oh, so women do this and men do that? well, what happens if I do that anyway? absolutely nothing except some people are real mean about it? how bout that.

and this is before you Google it and discover that the this/that dichotomy was first popularized in, like, 1956