coworkers are talking about Fifty Shades of Grey and I can't say anything because I know too well that if I open my mouth at all I'll open it all the way

coworkers are talking about Fifty Shades of Grey and I can't say anything because I know too well that if I open my mouth at all I'll open it all the way
all drug testing that doesn't serve an actual medical purpose sucks, but hair drug tests are the most Problematic because:
It's absurdly invasive to be checking whether someone was already following your company's substance policies four months before you hired them. Especially in a THC-legal state! Do you want to know if someone is capable of showing up to work sober, or do you think this is a test of Moral Character
they always manage to send in bald dudes who are clean-shaven with no body hair and, like, what exactly do you expect me to do here
the real reason I make mouseposts is so I can look at my mice when I'm at work
I realize there are other ways to achieve that but this way we all benefit
just a little guy! just a little guy standing there looking like a perfect cartoon mouse