gog even if I w8sn't here we'd 8e such a f8cking 8reath pl8yer
a bunch of relationship stuff came to a head and we ended things with four partner systems, and in the aftermath, we realized that our system was really rigid during those relationships, to try and keep up with the ex-partners.
and now that we're out of those relationships, things are... looser. better.
i'm me, instead of spread across alphy and Charra and &. Moko and Kakyu are finding new purpose.
we're becoming a new us, built atop the funeral pyre of an us we never should have been, and that it hurt us to be.
[cw: complaining about ex-partner systems, passing reference to domestic abuse]
we don't like the concept of "individual headmates of one system being in relationships with individual headmates of another system". it feels really unfair to literally everyone involved.
and that's to say nothing of the systems that made these rules ballooning in size to push the headmates that were in relationships with members of our system away from front. it was exhausting to never see the headmates we were told we were in relationships with, to be stuck around headmates we didn't feel safe around, and to be treated like (and later told!) that we were a burden.
like, i know we have bpd and depression and anxiety, but how is that not a recipe for mental and emotional disaster!? how is being told we're "loved" but having the headmates who care about us either passively or actively kept from us okay!?
and they'd treat non-me headmates in my system like shit, too. they treated jade like shit even before strangling her once. headmates would beg for attention for specific members of ours and then be cold as ice when that headmate was in front.