Due to the unfortunate events of global warming, of which we have absolutely no control over and can do nothing to mitigate, we've been rethinking how we approach the places we live. Today we're announcing shades, our new line of environmental shadowing devices. These devices can be easily installed on your property to deflect the sun and give you large patches of cool, shaded space to enjoy
"why not just put a fucking tree there instead"
Trees have unfortunate roots that cause havoc to sidewalks. Also our lawyers are working hard to make trees illegal for poor people to interact with!