*that I've used extensively
NES: I don't have the same nostalgia for it that others have, but it's a neat little thing. Pressing the cart down inside like a VCR was fun. The "it will take ANY power supply" thing is fun too. Feels like a cheap VCR for better or worse.
Genesis: Have not extensively used, can't judge.
AV Famicom: cute little thing, not as quirky as the NES but I like sharing a cable with the SFC. Robust, thick plastic. Probably impregnable.
Super Famicom: You gotta feel the power switch on this thing it makes the best CLUNK you'll ever clunk. Kinda tinny, but weighty. I get carts jammed in it all the time forgetting to press the eject button. Mysterious extra ports.
Saturn: It's a really weird box. Like you gotta understand, it's a box. Hollow, light for it's size. A strange object, very Product. The UI is hella though. Best CD player. I don't think I've ever heard it seek.... may be forgetting. Inserting a disk feels like loading advanced media into a state of the art tool.
Playstation: A device. Streamlined, solid. Styled. The opposite of a Saturn, it's very un-boxy. UI nowhere near as fun. Occasionally makes seek noises; just enough to be charming. Inserting a disk feels like competing the device.
N64: Like a Playstation by way of the AV Fami. A solid device that you crudely shove a cart into. Very strange power supply. Notably better controller insertion than the Saturn (too Port-y) or Playstation (memcard in the way).
Dreamcast: No longer a box, very device feeling. But holy hell this is a bodge. Loud fan when on. They usually beep in a few places now. Every optical drive sounds like it's broken but that's what they sounded like new. A wild device, like it's trying very hard to be a computer but a computer was described via telephone game. UI is a computer from a TV show.
Playstation 2 (phat): Strange future device sent back in time to play games. Amazing. Slightly noisy. Very effective Dreamcast stand. The storage box is a weird gimmick? Inserting a disk feels like putting in a DVD, unsurprisingly. Future technology is very fragile; they're all broke now. UI is sublime.
PSone: Adorable little device. The perfect size. Putting a CD in is always fun, even though the lid only closes if you press on the other side of it. Love how the CD takes up most of the size, feels like putting a tape in a walkman. Everyone should have one. Cursed UI. Want a screen so bad.
GameCube: Feels like a weapon. Like a reverse PSone; the disk is small and it goes in a big box. Love the button to make the CD pop out. Perfect controller plug insertion. Should have been sold with a screen ala PSone, if they were gonna put that handle on it. UI taken from Sony (complimentary).
Xbox: Trying very hard not to be a computer; failing. Big. Big big big big. "Why couldn't you just be a Playstation 2?" Tries to be a Playstation 2; wont read disks. UI is an amber cast of when it was made.
Playstation 2 (slim): Almost perfect. Someone got upset about it's Dreamcast stand capabilities and removed them. No longer has hole. Still has the curse of future technology. UI didn't need changing.
Xbox 360 (phat): Edgy Xbox, literally full of blades. Too much shit in the UI, trying very hard to be anything but a video game console. Tried to be a computer like the Dreamcast; ended up very loud. Tried harder to be Playstation 2; now everything fails. Will eat your disk.
Wii: Iconic. Trying very hard to be a video game console, succeeds. Dense, solid, utter device but not fragile. Somehow the first slot load console here? Eat my disks (complimentary). Grammy winning UI.
Xbox 360 (slim): "We forgot the beeping from the Dreamcast!" Only a little quieter, still tries to eat your disk. UI is ultracapitalist hellscape. Probably will not fail now, unfortunately.
Playstation 4: Youtuber tries to put gaming PC into Playstation 2, but "update the looks because it looks so out of date". Build is shitty and rushed; video has 117 million views. UI is Windows 10's muse.
