The Pnictogen Wing

I can fully relate to this in almost every aspect, but perhaps you may take solace in something I myself do, which I learned in this life a long time ago:

Adulthood is made up and the rules don't matter. There is no such thing as adulthood, only such a thing as life. One does not become magically responsive and well adjusted at the age of 18. One does not suddenly receive the gift of solutions and the tools to move up in life, "if only you would apply them".

No, the human societal concept of adulthood serves to do nothing but complicate matters; rob people of their childish spirits, embolden their cruelty and apathy, and enforce upon them the struggles of their fellow neighbor for no other reason than it can. Expectations increase exponentially, as comforts decrease much the same.

Do not worry yourself if you are fucking up in adulthood, as adulthood is almost by design made to be fucked up. Humanity has convinced itself of its individuality, creating arbitrary barriers with which do nothing to better the world around it, whilst casting out the things which make it special.

Your worth is not based on your ability to perform, else any and all of those with any sort of prohibitive disability could be considered worthless by default; unlucky winners in life's lottery.

No, your worth is built upon the connections you make, and the people who take solace in knowing you. The act of enduring another individual, even when at their worst, is one of the biggest acts of mercy I know. If others are willing to endure you, for you, as you are, then celebrate, and take comfort, in that your life has more value and worth than you perhaps could ever know.

Don't lose sight of the people who matter. *Or the things which matter most to you as well.

Learn to value your own existence.

Wishing you all well. If you ever want someone to talk to, you know where to find me.