I am tired of feeling, week after week, that we are on the pitch of some crucial breakthrough, some convergence or completion, without ever arriving. plainly we are missing something—some obstacle, some unfulfilled duty, something. ~Chara
- they/them
plural system in Seattle, WA (b. 1974)
lots of fictives from lots of media, some horses, some dragons, I dunno. the Pnictogen Wing is poorly mapped.
host: Mx. Kris Dreemurr (they/them)
chief messenger and usual front: Mx. Chara or Χαρά (they/them)
other members:
Mx. Frisk, historian (they/them)
Monophylos Fortikos, unicorn (he/him)
Kel the Purple, smol derg (xe/xem)
Pim the Dragon, Kel's sister (she/her)
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in reply to @pnictogen-wing's post:
it's wretched, it contributes tremendously to our sense of paralysis, like our life is on hold till we can sort this out. I hope we both can arrive at our respective conclusions...
I at least need adhd meds... I know now for certain i have adhd and i confirmed it in the weirdest possible way
I was given dilaudid, an opioid, which like any opiate floods your body with dopamine, a thing adhd folks need to function and are low on. And instead of sedating me or getting me high it made me feel alert and focused
oh, interesting! I wonder how you would feel on the legal mu-opioid, kratom
It helped a tiny bit the first 3 times i had it, then it stopped helping at all
Like... Morphine wasnt strong enough, i needed somethkng 8 times stronger because my physiology is weird and drug resistant, so im.left not only needed adhd meds but worried they dont make meds strong enough to treat me
i actually talked to my therapist about this post. he said something that wasn't quite on the mark, but enough to get me thinking again. along the lines of
"aren't you making breakthroughs though? they might be little ones, but every time i talk to you you're considering something. either you've gotten a couple things worked out, or you're chipping away at something too big to fit in your head at once. most people don't work like that"
it might just be that i'm the kind of person who always finds some part of myself to process or reevaluate or work on. the moment i'm done figuring out why i feel distant from my friends, i start trying to conceptualize creativity or something.
maybe it's because i feel somehow less than a complete person. like if i get enough self-knowledge i can figure out how to find whatever part of me i'm missing.
still figuring out exactly what that is
I've been analyzing the feeling too. it's like an overriding sense of priority that I know probably isn't healthful—a sort of, "none of that little stuff counts not as long as this [whatever] remains undone"