powerfulblob

lesbian. gay dude. everything.

  • e/em/eirs

Just a Korean guy with too many hobbies

[ID for profile picture: A trans flag with Mitsuki’s Uncle from The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn’t A Guy At All. He is an East Asian man with pale skin, shoulder-length straight black hair, and a moustache and stubble. He grins cheekily while holding a pair of glasses, and wears a dark grey shirt, two ring earrings, and a black apron . He has thick bags under his eyes. end ID]


CERESUltra
@CERESUltra

As much as I want my work to be recognized and appreciated by others I am so glad I am not famous and most likely never will be, even a minor internet sort of way. Especially since leaving Twitter I essentially never get harassed anymore online, and any sort of feelings of inferiority or like I don't stand out enough are far, far outweighted by that.

I don't know, I guess also having friends here and there who are big names in certain communities or have gotten the attention of the entire internet for a day has made me weary. There's this heightened reality fame creates, especially online, where things wildly distort in proportion and actual perspective goes out the window. Getting a massive following changes people, either they become extreme burnouts or they start intoxicating themselves on the hype around them. It drove a wedge into one of my previous relationships, where "S" the artist and "H" the human being that I loved so dearly felt like different people entirely.

And on the internet, it's not like money comes along with fame, either. Plenty of people joke about "wealthy furries in tech" and things like that but not a great deal of them are producing any sort of culture, they're just bankrolling it. Considering how many layoffs in tech there have been over the past few years that pool is constantly shrinking anyway. Being seen/known and being financially solvent are two different things.

I don't know, every time I think I want to be more well known I see someone else who is too engaged to log off and needs to just go sit outside for a while. I am terrified I would become exactly like them.


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in reply to @CERESUltra's post:

I’m still really happy with my decision to put making up Mech pilots on hold for similar reasons. I think there are a lot of expectations put on people who have “Internet clout” that outsizes the appeal of being engaged with other users to that degree. Without numbers on cohost, I think people have outsized expectations on who has this perceived clout and who doesn’t and can only guess based on their feed.

Because like, very few people reached out and if they do it’s to chat or discuss something briefly. Making up Mech Pilots did not open any doors that were otherwise closed. Im fine with that! Im happy when somebody in a discord server compliments my blog and I’ve made my peace with that being what I get. Im not on podcasts but my work precedes me. That’s all I need.

I think it’s way harder for individuals to make money on the internet than is let on. I think that we see the people who make it and what they present but the process of understanding how they got there is too invasive to conduct without compromising their public privacy. That said, I do think about people online. I have people check in with me every few weeks, and I appreciate that. To me thats what I have sown and reaped and that’s good enough for me.

One of the stories I wrote that blew up got me in contact with someone I had not spoken to in a decade, and god oh god I wish every interaction could be like that.

I'm glad we do talk beyond just mechs here and there, and I'm sorry I'm not better at reaching out, I'm always spinning too many plates at once.

I do think that not having numbers on posts here is a bit of a trade-off, that it helps break up clout as much as as it fuels it, but I definitely get what you mean

I find this extremely relatable as someone who is actively working on A) growing an audience for a project my friends work really hard on and B) working on my shortcomings when it comes to picking my battles and choosing when and when not to air grievances. I both hope we can get to a place where we have an engaged and kind listenership and I also fear it because I'm not naive enough to believe that won't come with its share of bullshit.

I think reminding myself that this isn't the real world and it's also not my livelihood at least right now has been helpful. I talk with my cohosts often about out efforts to stay true to OSG as a passion project. I've felt the intense rush of online attention because I wrote a medium popularity fanfiction once and I was a little worried about it then too. I can't begin to guess how my thought process might change in the hypothetical situation where we blow up, but I think I am going to save this post and hope it kind of reminds me where to put my feet. I also would recommend anyone else on this line of thought to encourage their friends and loved ones to hold them accountable.