wondering if I have managed to speedrun getting excised from the cohost community by being my outspoken self in a couple discourses thus getting blocked/silenced by everyone very quickly. Or maybe i'm just bad at posting, or cohost is ever the worst at discoverability. No way to know for sure, but. I do still wonder.
maybe im projecting, maybe i have just been a little pigheaded in the discourses, maybe negativity bias has me by the balls. But idk. It seems cohost's got this strong undertone of everyone just wants this to be the good website. They don't want any bullshit. And it leads to not wanting their viewpoints challenged in any way that isn't velvet-gloved. Even mild annoyances get blocked fast and it just feels kind of. Well, it feels like the seattle chill. Go figure.
it just feels like you only get One Chance to make an impression on any given user that will not have you shitcanned out the gate. It makes me anxious as fuck and more inclined to recluse until something spurrs me to action, which winds up being discourse. So it becomes this vicious cycle that's made worse by the fact that I already feel like I'm just, Not The Kind Of Poster cohost gives a fuck about, and I have no real drive to become that, because why the fuck would I? I have more important things to do than sell myself to Seattle, The Website.
But at the same time, it fuckin. hurts. right? Because I feel excluded, I see a lot of people enjoying themselves and each other and I just feel like I can't be a part of it, I'll fuck up, I'll fail to mesh with the humor or the ~vibe~ and I'll lose my welcome if I'm not performing Being Like Everyone Else Here. idk. Maybe it's just the trauma from being violently ejected from damn near every other online community I've ever been in. But it feels like slightly more than that
