a problem with being a hypochondriac is that you always think something is wrong with you and so you google the symptoms or even what feels like the right condition because of what you know and it's all kind of a confirmation bias thing. if you've dealt with hypochondria for a long enough time, you learn to either not do this or you find various coping mechanisms
but sometimes you end up with something where you can't shrug it off, and you can't shrug it off because too much of it lines up. too much of it lines up because it describes your entire life, really. you see the way it's shaped your relationships, your emotional state, this whole... thing, you know? but you're a hypochondriac so you want to ignore it
and you want to ignore it because you don't want to admit it either
and you want to ignore if because you're not in a position to get it diagnosed anyway and if you can't get it diagnosed then you might be wrong
and by you I mean me, obviously
but now I'm sitting here in the midst of another emotional spiral and I'm just left wondering what I'm supposed to do because there really is no way I don't have fairly severe borderline personality disorder
but I want to ignore it
and I want to ignore it because I don't want to admit it
and I want to ignore it because I'm not in a position to be diagnosed anyway
and I might just be wrong