• it/its

Kun ihmiskunta lopulta lakkaa olemasta, 200 vuoden jälkeen ilmakuvasta ei voi nähdä sen edes koskaan olleen olemassa. Tämä on lohdullista.



punalippulaiva
@punalippulaiva

I've been thinking about attraction recently. I presume what actually set me down this path were the recent nsfw asks circulating around, though private discussions with some of you lot certainly didn't help... anyway.

I've pretty much always been attracted to non-genderconforming people. My biggest crushes as a teen were butch lesbians, the girl I ended up marrying was a massive tomboy when we started dating (she hasn't exactly become more traditionally feminine since then either), my other partners have been an enby and a trans guy, and my major crushes have followed the same pattern (with the notable exception of one cis woman).

This is all well and good. I have a type and why not? But what puzzles me more is the fact the attraction is so often mutual. I'm a weird amab masc guy (gender still to be figured out) in its forties with a kid, a greying beard and weird interests. I know why I'm interested in all these gorgeous people, but what makes me so interesting to them?

I mean, I don't mind, obviously.


punalippulaiva
@punalippulaiva

I thought I wasn't hot for the first 30+ years of my life! Then I get a kid, grey hairs and a burnout and suddenly hot trans guys (and a few girls too) are all over me.

And I'm not kidding here. I was told, mostly indirectly but sometimes also directly that I'm simply not attractive or interesting for most of my life. I thought I was damn lucky I was able to pull that one girl who's into my brand of weirdness (and don't get me wrong, I still think I'm lucky. She's amazing). Then, during the last ten years or so it's turned out I'm considered hot stuff.

Yeah, this is mostly just me trying to overcome decades of internalised... not self-loathing, as I'm pretty content with myself, but internalised... something. I'm sure there's a term for it, even if I don't know it.


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