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ItsMeLilyV
@ItsMeLilyV

Over the last year or two I have made more & more effort to reach out and say hi to people I'm loosely friends with on social media. You know, the people you're mutuals with - you like each other's stuff, you chat with each other in the comments, but you're not, like friends friends, y'know?

I think social media can be a great first step for meeting new people with similar interests, but it's never going to be very good at fostering more tangible relationships or community (not even Cohost). It's really just not built for it! Posts are incredibly open - comments are a mix of people you've talked to for years and total strangers. You'll chat with people you'll never meet again, and in general people are just less likely to really open up; there's no conversation. Friendships are more than that, they're intimate. Speaking one on one with someone, or in a small trusted group, is an entirely different kind of communication.

So I've been trying to reach out to people more. Unlike in-person, I'm strangely shy online. I get nervous saying hello to new people, even if I know they're nice! But I've been pushing myself a little - I've started messaging people I know on Discord, or in Twitter DMs, or sending emails, just saying hi. And the response has always been kind - not everyone wants to be Best Friends, of course (so many of us are way too busy as it is, haha) but it's always been a positive experience. I've had the chance to really meet a lot of lovely people & make new friends & have long wonderful conversations. I even started a tiny discord for a few folks from an old forum who were slowly drifting apart over the years, and it's been so so nice to keep up with them! I've had friends reach out and say hi to me too, and it's totally made my day more than once.

Reaching out is scary! And it's not always going to work out, and that's okay. But... there are so many people I know online who I respect, who I've shared jokes with, or so many people who admire my work and whose work I admire in return... I really don't want to let that fade.

(this started out as a really long comment but i liked it so now it is forged in stone)
(when i make new online friends we always end up talking about gamedev or yuri or guilty gear strive. it rules)



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in reply to @ItsMeLilyV's post:

Huh, this is exactly the kind of thing I've been thinking about the past few days. I was thinking it would be cool to make friends in the areas I'm interested in, like gamedev and small indie games, but I ran into that exact same problem with social media not being conductive for that (especially if you don't have a lot of followers!) It would be nice if there were some small but active discord servers or something for that, but it seems like there just isn't demand for that sort of thing. I still enjoy seeing and interacting with posts on social media, but it really isn't a substitute for more personal connections. I'm glad you've found a way to make that happen!

Thanks :) I wish I had a clear answer! To be fair, I've really only reached out to a few people myself, just folks who I've interacted with a number of times (and who happen to have a discord name posted lol)

Small servers are really the best for keeping in touch with friends; after like 20+ people it gets way too big & busy to keep track of things... I hope you can find folks to make friends with; it's not the easiest.

I met and made an incredible friend just by reaching out to check if they were okay and now it's like, fantastic, you know? Now we just shitpost about yuri and occasionally share stories and struggles and I highly recommend everyone at least attempt this first step. They might not care, but it's also a great way for people (like me!) to come out of their shell

Ahhh, I'm so glad!! That's so nice, honestly. I had a similar thing, I made friends with someone because she just really wanted to talk about Utena and I had just watched it, now we talk all the time ~

And yea, even if you don't even up being friends, I think as long as you're polite (and not like, pushy) then it'll be okay!

YAAAAAA BEST SHIT!!! honestly i feel like ive been doing this a lot more since becoming primarily active on cohost! im generally not the kinda person to reach out to people out of the blue but here ive been making new mutuals and actually engaging with them in ways that i haven't online since like 2017 on twitter (which was mostly thanks to streaming on twitch anyways). i do definitely need to get better at actually reaching out to people tho, esp now that i have a bit more time to myself than i have the past couple years, it really is nice to talk to pals :)

yea yea yea!!!! Honestly it has been so nice chatting w/ you and getting to fite you ~ i'm so glad you've been able to make new genuine connections!! it can get so lonely online sometimes with how disconnected things are & getting to actually, like, talk to a person can really rule

I really want to make more time for it as well but it is hard!! There are so many folks I love talking to, and new folks I'd really love to say hi to, too... I'm hoping things will slow down a bit for me in the next month or two so I can chat with people more :D

Itโ€™s justโ€ฆ difficult to find stuff to talk about, you know? Finding those shared interests is difficult. Not to mention the fear of what could happen from reaching out. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ
Not trying to downplay your post, itโ€™s very good and very much needed to be said. Iโ€™m just too caught up in my own head to be able to do much with it. >.>

Yea, and you are not wrong. I really only reach out like this with mutual followers, people who we've talked back & forth, where we often comment on each other's work, etc. (rather than like, people I admire on a one-way street, for example).

And I never go in with the intention of "here's my new best friend" but rather just saying, "hey, we've interacted with each other a bit, I just wanna say hi one-on-one and acknowledge that I think you're cool!" Sometimes you'll end up chatting, and sometimes that's where it ends, and either is chill! Even a small hello is a nice little thing, and most people will appreciate it (again, I try not to be pushy to keep chatting or anything).

But it is hard, of course. It's still hard for me most of the time, too. You're being vulnerable! And if you're like me, you're really anxious about annoying someone. It's possible one day I'll do this with someone I'm not as close to as I think and get on their nerves. But I've gotten to really meet a few really cool folks this way, too.

(Tbh, this was one advantage of Twitter DMs or email - if someone lists their email or opens their DMs, they are accepting that new people may message them. Discord can be fine too, tho)

I've always wandered how people made friends online. I've always been super shy on the internet because at a young age my mom said I shouldn't interact with anyone here (I was 6 at the time, 26 now). Then a few years ago I met a friend who has a group of friends they met in the internet and hang out every now and then.

Now that I'm a working adult its hard to see my irl friends. My field (computer science) is also remote on the most part now, so its hard to make irl friends at work.

So lately I'm trying to meet new people on the internet. I joined a discord about a thing I really like. It's super hard to talk though, I feel super anxious because I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm learning.

Thank you so much for sharing your post. Its so cool that reaching out has led you to so many positive experiences. I'll try reaching out to people I've known for a long time and see how it goes.

Thank you so much

I'm glad you've been putting yourself out there!! It's definitely hard, but I totally agree - especially as you start working, especially working remote, it becomes so difficult to meet IRL friends.

It has been surprising how many people are genuinely happy to hear from me. I really hope reaching out works out for you as well :eggbug-smile-hearts: