I don't understand what I'm meant to be doing with my life
Engaging with Magic to the extent I need to to have success makes me unhappy and is possibly unhealthy for me too but it's also the literal only thing I've ever had any degree of success in and I have no concept of anything outside of Magic that would actually guarantee me to sustainably make income. My stream feels like it is slowly dying because of all the travel I have to do for tournaments (meaning like 10+ days at a time of no streaming) and because I can't offer any consistency with what formats I stream because I always have to prepare for whatever different format is coming up for the next tournament. I could get into Magic coaching but I simply don't feel like I'm actually good enough for that at the moment, and I don't feel able to get back into article writing without playing substantially more Magic than I currently do
I just....don't really know of any other options outside of this. Customer service jobs would kill me because of my autism, full-time work would likely kill me too because of my chronic fatigue, I have almost no real work experience, I have no qualifications, I have no creative skills, I'm fortunate that the amount of money I need to be earning is fairly small in the grand scheme of things but I just have no idea how I even begin to earn that outside of Magic. There's the possibility of learning Poker, and I could potentially be good at that with time and practice, but I worry that's just trading in one card game that makes me kind of miserable to play for money for another one
I feel so incredibly lost and full of despair