Puke Commander is a Martian performance artist and a regular sight at the Ox & Carriage. He is the lead singer of "The Pukes", a scuzcore band which plays for tens of fans throughout Titan Garden. Puke Commander's personality is best described as "aggressively friendly"- being around him gives you the sense that you are about to be eaten by a wild bear moments before the bear licks your cheek and pulls you into a bear hug, leaving you surprised by the cordial turn but still uncertain of your imminent fate. Puke Commander has perfect pitch and can sculpt an impending burp into any note he desires. He smells surprisingly clean. He is romantically-indiscriminate. He will take any bet or dare you give him. He is in his forties.
- Puke Commander can be hired for any job at negotiable rates which begin at "shockingly cheap".
- Puke Commander does not offer employment opportunities, and his availability for work is dependent on The Pukes' erratic and unpredictable concert schedule.
While the Ox & Carriage is a popular spot for roughnecks and dockhands, it is not an exclusive venue. Puke Commander loves to drink here because the company is loud and rowdy, but mostly because it's a reliable place to find work. Shockingly, income from his band The Pukes is neither consistent nor lucrative, so Puke Commander is always looking for supplemental employment. He is an extremely versatile and reliable worker; he will do grunt work lifting boxes, he is good in a fight, he is attentive and can operate heavy machinery with cursory instruction, so on and so on. Puke Commander has built a reputation among the A-District regulars as a trustworthy hire so he does not have too much trouble finding work- the only catch is you have to endure Puke Commander's personality for the duration of the job.
A big part of Puke Commander's reliability as a versatile hire is his extensive cybernetics. Being a Martian means his natural constitution is extremely receptive to backroom modifications and basement surgical jobs, and his body is a showcase of what Martian physiology is capable of. Some of his cybernetic modifications include a digital memory expansion drive "for thoughts I don't wanna forget"; a prosthetic left eye capable of "wicked sick" thermal imaging, zoom lens function and digital photography compatible with his memory drive; a prosthetic left arm salvaged from a United Robotics android shell, modified with a high-torque motor allowing his hand unit to spin powerfully, "to twist the cap off any bottle" or "really knock the teeth out of some bolt head"; a full sleeve of bioluminous tattoo ink in "neon puke green"; and an abdominal modification giving him hot-swappable synthetic bladders, "for when you gotta pee but you shouldn't". None of Puke Commander's cybernetics were installed in clinics and most were done cheap or in exchange for favors.
Puke Commander has been hired a few times by both Red Raven and Timberwolf when there's a salvage job but a key crewmember is sick. As such he is a ready shiphand and a capable salvager, already knowing safe practice in navigating an unstable shipwreck. He has a government name he receives payment to but both Amy and Bryce respect his wishes and refer to him as "Puke Commander" without skipping a beat. Scarlet and Viola both struggle with this, stuttering a bit when they have to address Puke Commander. Bell loves the guy, absolutely loves him. Red Raven's Neptunian cannoneer is a common-language learner in progress and has adopted many Commanderisms into his regular speech. He has a Pukes album he really likes and will play one song in particular over and over when he has command of the Jackrabbit's gunnery deck: "Expensive Balls", a song about having prosthetic genitals and being kicked in them. When Puke Commander is hired for a job Bell will quickly approach him at the hangar and start singing the chorus to this song, his favorite Pukes song. "He Kicked My Balls She Kicked My Balls They Kicked My Balls............" "My Expensive Balls!" Puke Commander picks up the lyrics and sings it with Bell every time. They both laugh. Scarlet hates it. Scarlet prefers to stay home during those jobs, but sometimes Scarlet doesn't have a choice, since the crew is down a man and needs the hire in the first place. Bell's Pukes album has gone missing a few times, but Puke Commander has plenty of unsold copies to replace it. Scarlet spends a lot of time in her quarters. Puke Commander collects his credits for a job well done.