Forgiveness isnt a simple thing, its even more complicated than betrayal. Apology is seldom enough alone to earn forgiveness, and forgiveness has to be earned...
Its easy to do something horrible to someone who trusts you, then when it fails them and leaves them bereft, go back to those they betrayed and say "im so sowwy, i was naughty, but i learned my lesson and also i wuv youu"
most apologies are lies
Or at least exaggerations, they arent sorry they did it, they are sorry they got caught, or sorry that you think they owe you an apology.
A telltale sign of an abuser trying to take your good will for granted is becoming upset at you, the aggrieved party for veing upset at them for harming you
Common phrases such as;
"I already said sorry!"
"How many times am i supposed to apologize?"
"Why cant tou just let it go?"
And similarly shitty, bad faith responses. Ive heard one of these recently even.
DO NOT LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU OWE ANYONE YOUR FORGIVENESS FOR ANY REASON
You know how you know its time to forgive someone? When you forgive them, and no longer feel ill will for their trespasses towards you.
Set boundaries, make it clear they either earn your forgiveness or else you can tell what they are.
Make sure you dont let a sense of owing them something stand in the way of being given the respect you deserve.
And furthermore; YOU, yes you, you deserve respect.
"But i suck, im annoying, im lucky anyone-"
NO!
you deserve respect, period, end of discussion. I can hear some of tou saying you're the exception and no, you're full of shit, you deserve respect, motherfucker.
So when someone wrongs you, someone you care about, someone close, maybe someone you love, whoever... If they should have fucking known better Dont take half assed attempts at contrition, dont accept less than you deserve, dont let them guilt you into letting them off the hook.
make those motherfuckers earn it
Its the least they can do after hurting you and betraying your trust, right?
i forgot one last thing;
if they start bringing up stuff you did that hurt them to deflect from your pain, they are a grade A asshole and likely never deserve forgiveness!
Trying to guilt you with your own trespasses is an implicit attempt to justify eye for an eye policy in your relationship, but keep in mind also, they will only consider fair's fair when they get to hurt you. They are trying to justify abusing you, and that is absolute bullshit