Forbidden Pocky...

Do Not Eat (taste's terrible)

(this post is one of the few posts in my drafts that is in a postable state. figured it wouldnt hurt to try and get some cohosties TTON-pilled on my way out)

if the town of nowhere was as popular as disco elysium, no would have had a fighting chance against harry in tumblr’s Poor Little Meow Meow competition:

• they’re canonically trans so they have that leg up in the competition
• their first interaction with someone in town is them walking in on a cannibal preacher eating someone, and their first thought is “i want to suck his dick”
• their second interaction with someone in town is a fairy stealing their name and forcing them to finish her shift at starbucks
• their name is no¹, which means when the fairy steals their name, they literally forget the concept of saying no to people
• their name is no where. they’re canonically trans and named themself no²
• they eat dirt
• for Gameplay Reasons, they start walking around backwards while looking in a compact mirror
• when arrested by a cop for an alleged break-and-enter and bank robbery (two separate crimes) they tell the cop that they’re too stupid to pull that off because they eat dirt
• with said break-and-enter, the first thing they did after breaking-and-entering was raid their brother-in-law’s fridge because they havent eaten in like 24 hours
• why havent they eaten in 24 hours? the 300-or-so people controlling their brain forgot to feed them
• their brother in law, who married no’s twin sister, accuses them of being his wife because he doesn’t remember marrying her³ and their response is “yeah i can be your wife if you want”
• their parents never pick up when they call, even when they are possibly about to go on a suicide mission
• when they lost their apartment, they decided to move across the largest state in the continental USA on the vaguest hope that they MIGHT have had a sister who MIGHT have offered them a place to stay instead of moving back in with their parents
• crying is permitted by the DM as a free action

1. they were also almost named vriska. and komaeda (i think).

2. i dont remember who said this or if this is just something my brain made up, but iirc someone said “of course they named themself no, what else is a name but something people yell at you when you make bad decisions?”

3. its complicated. watch the town of nowhere and find out why!

its because when you post them, they get put on cohost at the time when you CREATED THE DRAFT, not WHEN YOU HIT “POST NOW”. i did not post this “one year ago” i posted this TWO MINUTES AGO but it got put on my page (and your dashes) amongst OTHER YEAR-OLD POSTS. similar issue to the “if you like a post from a year ago, it gets buried in your likes among the other year-old posts and not put on the top” thing

I'm gonna be the hottest poss at the dentist's office

It's not correct very often, but I think it's pretty impressive while it is.