why do people get so freaked out by the deep ocean
every creature I've seen that lives down there looks like a friend

if god and my mother didnt want me to pluck my eyelashes then it wouldnt feel so damn good to finally get the one with the irritated follicle

adderall being considered a controlled substance is hilarious like "that guy is focused and capable of doing tasks, get his ass"

sidenote: ill break my foot off in ronald reagan's ass

Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.

― Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms