when things get bad . neri's first thought is to hide instead of seeking comfort. and that is upsetting to me

they've probably been in their house for awhile now . now that im thinking about it. I forgot neri was there when the queen showed up . i thinkthey started hiding after that... she kind of scares them . and reminds them of fate and tricky usingtheir trauma against them

sorry ive been thinking about this a lot and. i talked with nadia about it . but neri really doesn't trust a lot of people... they barely trust Lincoln which. personally i think is fair? I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT BUT LIKE [gestures to the time when Lincoln wanted to torture neri for "killing" citare] like. neri remembers all of that shit now . after destiny brought them back there was no reason to keep their memories locked away or reset. they have everything from the first moment they talked to everyone, to the moment where they met everyone for the "first time" after being reset . they still feel so lost in their own mind. there's spaces filled with things that dont add up and it terrifies them . sorry i got off track
neri only really trusts citare, VITTA, and koi . there is trust for leda but its. different .
they're still so scared of trusting other people bc they could turn out to be someone who just wants to use them or make them afraid . they're very closed off. they spend most of their time in their house even though they hate being alone . im so miserable

and they still. haven't talked about any of it . its almost like they're refusing to acknowledge it.
if i accept what happened, then maybe i really am broken. maybe im just a bunch of broken pieces smashed together in a terribly wrong way. i didn't ask for this. i didn't ask for any of this.
they didn't want to die. they didn't want to change. they dont want to hurt or kill . but these things happened and almost happened. they had no say in anything and sometimes it still feels that way . maybe its better that no one has talked with neri about what happened to them, maybe its better if no one acknowledges it . because i think it would ruin them. not forever, but for a long time . the hurt is still there even if you ignore it

sorry ive been thinking about this a lot and. i talked with nadia about it . but neri really doesn't trust a lot of people... they barely trust Lincoln which. personally i think is fair? I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT BUT LIKE [gestures to the time when Lincoln wanted to torture neri for "killing" citare] like. neri remembers all of that shit now . after destiny brought them back there was no reason to keep their memories locked away or reset. they have everything from the first moment they talked to everyone, to the moment where they met everyone for the "first time" after being reset . they still feel so lost in their own mind. there's spaces filled with things that dont add up and it terrifies them . sorry i got off track
neri only really trusts citare, VITTA, and koi . there is trust for leda but its. different .
they're still so scared of trusting other people bc they could turn out to be someone who just wants to use them or make them afraid . they're very closed off. they spend most of their time in their house even though they hate being alone . im so miserable