...but that's not really true, is it? I mean, I consider myself a radical polytheist (i.e. I believe that ALL gods exist and try to honor as many as practical) so I believe in the Moirai and the Norns, for example. Also I guess I can say that I believe in Fate/ because of all the Heroic Spirits running around the Pnictogen Wing.
Mostly I wish to resist the trap of thinking that every little thing that's ever happened in our life was purposeful. It can easily seem so, but then I remind myself that I'm assigning a sense of purpose after the fact: event A happened, then event B, so A can be construed as a setup for B. But time and causality are tricky things (as special relativity implies) so, you know, maybe A was the consequence of B, only it happened out of order. I prefer to think of my life as having a permanent sense of mystery woven through it; that way I retain a sense of free will. =p
A particularly noteworthy coincidence is on my mind right now, though: the fact that I somehow pushed through my extreme shyness and fear of crowds to start attending Christian churches and even undergo adult Catholic initiation. My friend Kaylin has many times expressed her astonishment that I made myself undergo a public baptism. She knows me well and knows how timid I am around masses of strangers, so she's still amazed that I did a full immersion baptism in a packed parish church. I'm amazed myself, in retrospect. What on Earth possessed me?
And yet now it seems weirdly apt to the circumstances, because U.S. politics has become strangely dominated by adult Catholic converts. Having undergone the experience myself, albeit in an earlier decade and among liberal Catholics, I'm appalled and frankly disgusted at how adult Catholic conversion now seems modish, like a good political and social move. I've got an article on my phone from a Catholic writer, talking about how it's like rebellion for fuck's sake. I can laugh, but the laugh is hollow: I myself felt rebellious at the time. I was seeking to separate myself from my "biological" family, from whom I felt thoroughly estranged, and join myself to a different family. And I'd soaked up a lot of G. K. Chesterton, the famous Catholic reactionary writer who attempted to assert that his embrace of Catholic orthodoxy was the true rebellion, a rebellion back towards sanity as he put it. So... 😬 ...I know what it's like, even though I repented of my error. But it seems like there's a heap of American right-wing extremists who still believe Chesterton's lie (a lie breathed through silver, if I may say) and have made themselves feel like revolutionaries, merely by embracing an offensively shallow and aesthetic Catholicism devoid of moral substance.
So, uh...where do my duties lie in this strange situation?
~Chara of Pnictogen