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#Chara of Pnictogen


we would all like to get back into being better friends with computers. learning programming seems like a necessity if we're to survive the next several years because I have a feeling the landscape of personal computing is about to shatter.

we've been trying to help in the shattering process, I admit. Mono the Unicorn has been kicking away at the credibility of the "large language model", which seems like a cosmic joke of a technology, the world's most expensive Burroughs Machine. but people really do believe in it, and that's kind of terrifying actually. I'm quite prepared to believe that a lot of computer jockeys who feel like the Machine God is about to burst forth from their gibberish generator are shocked and amazed for the simple reason that they're seeing scraps of text they would never otherwise read. they're such limited people with limited intellects and a practically subliterate degree of language use because they're speaking a kind of street poetry or patois so liberally festooned with memes that you practically don't NEED to talk. it's actually sort of cool, but it's also rather obvious these people don't know how their machines work. so many layers of abstraction have been heaped atop the personal computer that these techie people plainly regard "the computer" more like a force of nature than a physical object. memory? electricity? data? surely these things merely flow like water or nitrogen.

in a way, that's delightful! fiction has met fact, in a way. where do you find such highly abstracted and stylized depictions of how computers work? in movies and games and comic books and fiction! this is how people talk about computers in stuff like Tron or Hellblazer, as if data and memory were substances, stuff. they certainly can be (in broad approximation) treated that way. but the real world is a place of infinite subtleties and these have all escaped the notice of the high-tech crowd. if they're bad at programming it's because at some level they don't even really know what a computer program is any more.

that's charming. they might even be as bad with computers as I am, despite all their bluster.

they're certainly not good with math. it's quite obvious in a hundred little ways that these programmer dudes have a mystical, innumerate sort of approach to numbers. they're numerologists though not honest ones. large numbers quite escape their grasp, but they're dazzled and impressed by them; small numbers tend to fall completely out of their sight. they love percentages so they have a habit of pretending that any fractions smaller than 0.05 or even 0.1 must not mean anything. Pfft, 5%, that's NOTHING!

anyway it would be pleasant to get that old feeling of facility back. I may have come to feel like my faith in the personal computer (it's sad to think that I did in fact HAVE one but I did) was betrayed, and thus conceive the sort of festering vengeful sense of offended justice that Emiya Kiritsugu once held for heroism. It's curious that our paths should have crossed as they did, and that we should have had so much in common, including a child's faith in a just Universe.

Apple Computer, most of all, has been like some Evil Empire in my mind, which is a bit silly I grant you, and yet...I can't let go of the feeling that they did in fact poison their tempting apple. they held out the promise of something that eventually they grew tired of trying to offer, so they settled for being COOL. but it's more than that.

think of what they did to George Orwell's 1984...they pretended it had a happy ending.

~Chara of Pnictogen



description: this is a snippet from Twitter of Marc Andreessen ('pmarca' on Twitter) quote-tweeting Ashlee Vance ('ashleevance' on Twitter) passing along an item from 'AutismCapital' that reads: "VC the other day told me, 'We lost several really good founders to ayahuasca. They came back and just didn't care about much anymore.'"

Yep. yep yep yep yep

(there's more but I'll spare you)

~Chara



I've always suspected of course that I've been spurred into action, prodded by my own system.

It's an embarrassing thing to admit. I try to put up a bold front but really I'm a tender and frail creature, a H. P. Lovecraft neurasthenic if you like—I haven't totally overcome or worked round my issues, so I'm unreliable. And this...well, I hate it. I was specially strongly reminded of it yesterday and it's been eating at me. Everyone around me has to put up with my unreliability and I'm sure it sucks for everyone, and the most I can say in my defence is that I try to keep this sort of thing as limited as possible. I'm aware and uncomfortable with the knowledge that everyone round me regards me (to a degree) as a broken person.

I don't want to have any pride, and yet I feel as if I need some pride to live. I've yet to work out exactly what my relationship with the concept of "pride" is.

Anyway, seems like I've been boobed by my own system, literally. Much has been hidden from me, for my own safety. I can appreciate that. I've had a lot of inklings but...well...The Inklings are involved in this mess too.

whatever am I going to tell mother

~Chara of Pnictogen