80% of dolls believe plushies, dresses, and teapots are sentient, while only 40% believe other dolls are. Even less self-report consciousness, claiming things like "they're an extension of Mistresses' will" or "not a person."

When asked how their "philosophical zombie" nature would affect the fight for doll rights, we received numerous replies. One doll claimed "even objects should be tried fairly." Another began to cry.

The results reinforce what many politicians, organizers, and ethicists have been calling for. Homunculus Protein Fiber, or what's popularly known as "dollmeat", is the most sustainable and moral replacement for animal protein.