A group of men die. They are not righteous men, and find themselves in Hell. The Devil greets them with an evil grin and asks if it’s hot enough for them. The men reply “Sir, we’re from Michigan, land of the ice and the snow. We’re just glad for the chance to thaw out”

The Devil is unhappy that his favorite opening line flopped. He goes to the thermostat and turns it up to punish these wicked men, hot as it was after the scouring millennia ago. He returns to them, and overhears one say to the rest “Thank goodness it’s even warmer. I can finally feel my toes!”

The Devil is unpleased. He sets the temperature the highest it’s ever been. The Lake of Fire burns hotter than even the forge of creation. That will show those foolish men. He returns just in time to hear one say to the rest “Boys, this is the first time in my life I haven’t seen my own breath!”

This cannot stand. Hell is for punishment. For pain. These souls will have their eternal torment and they will learn to despise it. So The Devil changes his plans. He can be flexible, he can adapt. He knows exactly how to hurt these men. The temperature is turned all the way down. All Perdition turns to ice and the wailing of the damned is stifled as the air crystalizes in their chests. But there, where he left those damned men from Michigan, he finally hears their screams. He approaches slowly, waiting to savor the curses and wailing he has caused. Then… he hears them.

“THE LIONS WON THE SUPER BOWL! THE LIONS WON THE SUPER BOWL!“