So @Codarobo gave me an idea.

Here we go. Every load from an unique IP makes the image degrade. Every time a new unique IP loads it, the JPEG quality gets decremented by 1. When it reaches 10, the image gets copied onto a new canvas with 100 JPEG quality and it starts decrementing again.

If the server crashes and manages to restart itself, it will lose the list of unique IPs that already have loaded the file, and might corrupt the file irrecoverably. I might not restart the server if it happens. If I will, the file quality might get restored.

Only direct loads of the file count, Discord thumbnails will not work.

Let's see how many people are needed to OBLITERATE this TWINK.

UPD: https://cohost.org/sleeps-darkly/post/4411599-w-e - source code. Will keep the dyno up until it crashes or something.

UPD2: https://cohost.org/sleeps-darkly/post/4418814-compress-it - timelapse

UPD3: SERVER CRASHED lmao and re-used an intermediate compressed file. Fully resetting it, time to work it anew.

UPD4: I've put them side by side for now. The left is the final one I've seen on the run. The right is after the restart after crash.

Have a timelapse of compression. I've taken around 36 screenshots of Game Boy being COMPRESSED and combined into a timelapse. But, it's even more cursed in the end, be forewarned.

threw onto youtube for easier viewing

Thought about putting a stop at the Gameboy suffering, -- as in, taking the Heroku dyno down --, and then I noticed that people still talk about it.

Ok, it stays up for another month.