y'know....... i was never really much of a social media content poster (at least the text blurbs variety of content). i like writing, so maybe this is strange. but i've expressed to a lot of people that posting on sites like chost (and twitter, bsky, tumblr, you know the kinds) felt a lot to me like just rambling into the void. it feels like a forced attempt at conversation starting in a way that made me feel uncomfortably self-absorbed
and to clarify, i don't judge people that jive well with this kind of interaction and i don't see them as selfish or whatever! it's a me thing. a large part of me admires having the kind of carefree mentality required to just freely post words, without feeling like they need to have significant value, without needing to attach something extremely fresh, or incredibly clever or what have you! (swear tg this is not sarcasm)
i think i just... communicate better, or more effectively, and express myself more fully and truly in 1-on-1 scenarios. DMs, or really small group chats, that's cool too. i idealize a kind of space that's sort of like a small tight-knit discord community (yeah discord has its problems too....bear with me) where things aren't too vast or its members too disconnected that there's an awkwardness to freely expressing ourselves. (it's really stupid, too, because those kinds of spaces are a dime a dozen, aren't they? and yet, here i am lamenting the lack of one for me. fuck maybe i'm just picky, but i'm also a weirdo with weird niche interests, ya get me?)
it's a frustrating feeling existing in a large space like this and having no real opportunity to share any sense of my identity -- and that itself is like a negative feedback loop, because there's all this pressure to post more, which itself feels like a less authentic and organic experience... blaaahhhh...
the older i get the less i 'care' about any of this, so to speak, which is very freeing. so it's all eventually moving toward just being a non-issue..... hearing about cohost ending has ironically given me more of a reason to voice all of this... s'yehhhh. if anyone i've met here cares to chat i'm syni most other places (...basically just discord for all intents and purposes)
