leaving the uk is something i've considered for a couple of years now bc of transphobia but i just don't know where's better and i'm so scared. i'm eligible for irish citizenship but i didn't think ireland was much better than the uk. i doubt i'd have the money to leave anyway. and if i move outside of the uk and ireland (places where most of my family are) then i'll have to support myself on my own, which is impossible bc of my health. i mean i have some family in canada and the usa, but i know the usa's not great for trans rights, but i think canada might be better?? but it's just so far away and i've only met my family from there like twice.

i've never been outside of the uk and ireland. and what if the place i move to has an increase in transphobia after i move there. and i'd be leaving the celtic nations which feels wrong as a celtic studies student. like my my main special interest is centered around languages from here, and going further into continental europe, which i feel is a morw likely destination than canada, would mean i wouldn't get to speak welsh or the other celtic languages and wouldn't be a part of celtic language communities irl anymore (i doubt i'd move to brittany, i have a feeling france isn't great for trans stuff??). and i get really awfully homesick anyway, especially as someone with a complicated relationship to the concepts of "home" and "belonging", and to wales and the 3 places my family are from (cornwall, scotland, and ireland). i don't know how i can just leave that all behind. i feel like i'd be giving up my identity as part of minority cultures and as a speaker of minority languages. it's likely i'd still end up speaking english wherever i go bc it's fucking unavoidable, but i feel like i'd lose so much connection to wales and my family and cultures and heritage. i don't know. i've already grown up disconnected from the culture of where i'm from and the cultures of my family. i don't want to disconnect myself further.

not to mention the disability side of things, it's no good moving somewhere with trans rights if i can't get good help/treatment/benefits for my disabilities.

was reading articles about english trans people moving abroad, and i don't think they realise how lucky they are in terms of the language side of things. they've obviously had to start learning new languages from the places they've moved to, but there are english speakers all over the world so they're never particularly isolated or disconnected from the english-speaking world.

and tbh you could probably say something similar for speakers of all non-minoritised languages. the issue with welsh is that obviously i would be in a minority speaking it abroad, but it's still very much a minoritised language in the country it's from. i'm not sure that english people realise that - while they still may have some issues with language barriers while living abroad - their language has such a global presence bc of colonialism, and it's not minoritised in the country it's from. obviously i'm not defending colonialism iam just saying that it has made it fairly easy for english-speakers to live pretty much wherever in the world they want without disconnecting and isolating themselves from english-speaking communities. i don't have that as a speaker of minority languages (i suppose there's y wladfa in argentina but i don't know what their trans/disability rights and stuff are like. or there's a gaeltacht in canada somewhere i believe?? but you know what i mean - there are those specific places, it's not like everywhere. and as for cornish and scots i have no idea. i highly doubt cornish has much of a presence at all outside of cornwall/the uk). and it's bc of that colonialism that my family languages are minoritised and that i grew up disconnected from my cultures. maybe i would have an easier time thinking about moving abroad if it wasn't for that. i want to be a part of the revitalisation and continued use of these languages, and i feel like i couldn't do it from so far away.

but then what should i prioritise?? my transness, my being a part of a minority culture(s), or my health as a disabled person?? it seems wherever i live that i can't have all 3. but i don't want to give up any of them. this is so naïve but i just wish the world was a fairer place.