im self aware so i know this mindset is unhealthy, but i also recognize the objective fact that i will not get better at something i want to be good at if i do not practice it. i do not ever feel the desire to draw and 90% of time if i try to draw anyway it is not a pleasant experience and the outcome makes me feel upset

im aware that the goal should simply be to enjoy the process but as far as i can tell, i dont enjoy the process of creation when it is frustrating and when i cant convey what i want to. writing has always enabled me to convey exactly what i want to with minimal effort. music allows me to conjure an idea from nothing and build up on it effortlessly just the same as writing. when i stop enjoying working on a song, i just stop working on it. thats fine and cool

but i never START enjoying working on a drawing. and i fear that the reason for that is because i dont enjoy things im not naturally good at, and im not naturally good at art.

so, the only recourse i see is to either force myself to find a way to enjoy it which i have no idea how to do an nobody can teach me. or i can practice until i am able to convey what i want at which point i will be able to enjoy it; thats not ideal, but its kinda my only option other than quitting, and i hope i can accomplish the first one along the way