0502

Well... ! I'm not upholding myself a failure for not getting everything I meant or wanted to in time for things like art and comics. But I've accepted that maybe my heart just isn't in it the same way I thought of and would rather make some small adjustments in my life in other areas, so that I can improve my approach and motivation. I think with comics and art I keep stopping myself because I'm already dreading becoming a failure and potentially comparing myself to the efforts/gains of my peers which isn't a good way to go about it.

Going through therapy has helped me realized that a lot of my worldview is painted with shame, and my self-esteem and self-confidence truly lacks for me to be able to see through my projects or feel much worth in my accomplishments, so much that there is a lot of internal bargaining or I give up half way and think "whats the use?" but it's only become self-fulling to me. It's habits like this that I need to check and adjust before I can move forward with the bigger ideas in mind.

And plenty big ideas I have! But I have to start small and within reason. The main idea of creating this blog in particular is to use as a proper work journal. Not just for art, but ALL of my projects and ideas. And that is what I will do.

Neither will I hang myself for feeling like a disappointment towards others or whom follows me.. At the end of the day, the support will come when I have first challenged and persisted with myself and my own efforts... I can't stop immediately discouraging myself because of how I envision success to look like; I have to bar off these kinds of self expectations and just focus on achieving the goals.