Please let the star of the show be, there will be time enough for autographs later.

Veeo (she/her) the Cyclops and Maico (She/Us) one with the mushrooms (I've thought of a name for my Mushroom Folks but cannot find it at short notice, am fuming lol)

"Don't worry about what others think, or about social media. Don compare yourself to other people. Draw for yourself."

You've seen this sentiment before. You probably nod and agree - a lot of people seem to. And... this is a nice sentiment!

But I don't think everyone can follow it. I sure can't.

I really hate the process of art. I feel terrible doing it, I mentally beat myself up for it, and, if I'm not on stream, good lord the cursing I do.
And on the days of getting zero likes on a piece once I put it up? God was that ever painful.
I mostly do art because I have an idea in my head and I need to get it out of my head or else I will stew on it forever and get a headache.

Lately, I've been alright with the results, even happy sometimes?? At least I don't have to always attack myself once I'm done. It feels unsettling. But I'm still in a place where, without an external reward? Without any sort of praise? I feel like trash. I feel like I don't even deserve to draw or sculpt or whatever.

And I think when people say "do art for yourself," they don't understand that. I can't be the only one out there who feels the way I do.
Art will never not be somewhat sad for me, because I'll never be where I want to be, that idea in my head will never truly come out through my hands, and I'm surrounded by people with skills I will never, ever have: a golden ring I will never reach. And that's nice that that's not painful to others, but it's absolutely gutting to me.

I know part of the problem is we can't look at ourselves the way other people see us. And the other is that, I don't know where I'm going with this. I have a PhD in molecular genetics, and I'm stuck in the career path I've chosen until my debts are paid off. And... I might want to go to law school later. Neither of these leave room for art in a productive capitalistic way, leading into a lot of WhatsThePointism. I'm gaining a skillsets but still spinning my wheels.

But at the end of the day, I don't think "draw for yourself" is something everyone is able to do.