Part Twelve of the Switch AU
A JSE Fanfic
[This is part of an ongoing fic series I started in April 2019. Jackie tries to adjust with returning to everyday life, but he might be pushing himself too far in order to be "normal" again. Everything just seems to remind him of being back there...]
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Jackie woke up to sunlight coming through the window. The curtains were open, letting the sun brighten the room. He’d asked Rama to leave them open all the time, but they’d been a little concerned about people looking through the bedroom windows. The two of them agreed to keep them closed at night but open during the day. Jackie was a little worried about that at first, but it worked out.
Glancing at the clock, Jackie noted that it was about 11:30 a.m. Well, he couldn’t just lie in bed all day. Yawning, he sat up and stretched, throwing away the covers and standing up. Quickly, he rummaged through the clothes in his drawer, pulling out some new ones. He pulled the curtains mostly-closed, then backed up into the corner to quickly get dressed. That involved taking off his red hoodie, changing clothes, then putting his hoodie back on. He instinctively started to finger-comb his hair before remembering that JJ had cut it for him a week ago. Which he was really grateful for, of course, even if it had taken a while to get used to the feel of short hair.
Taking a deep breath, Jackie grabbed his glasses, putting them on before opening the curtains again and leaving the room. Upon walking out into the hallway, he immediately picked up on the sound of voices. And froze. One of them he recognized as Rama’s, but the other was strange. It sounded female. Jackie shook his head, and took another deep breath. He headed towards the living room, poking his head through the doorway.
Rama was there, chatting with a blonde woman he vaguely recognized. They immediately noticed him, and smiled, waving him over. “Hey, Jackieboy. How’re you?” They gestured to the woman. “You remember Ms. Davidson, right?”
“Um, kind of?” Jackie said quietly. He didn’t know her name, but he sort of remembered her face. “Weren’t you…the one who brought me to the hospital?”
“That was me. And please, just call me Stacy.” Despite being on almost the other side of the room, Stacy held out her hand for a handshake. When Jackie didn’t move, she slowly lowered it. “I always wanted to check up on you after that first day, but I’ve been so busy. When I finally got the time, you’d been checked out. But I got your address from that lovely Dr. Green, and thought I’d pop in today. Your…spouse—” She glanced over at Rama to see if that was the right word to use, and they nodded. “—told me you were still asleep, and, well, we got to chatting. How are you feeling?”
Jackie couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a trap. Distorter’s tricks and illusions had never been this elaborate, but he still couldn’t get rid of the lingering doubt. After a too-long moment of silence, he decided on being nice, but not too enthusiastic. “Still dealing with everything, but better,” he said, trying to put some cheer in his voice. “At least I don’t need to use the cane as much anymore.”
Rama chuckled. “Is Marvin upset to lose a kindred spirit?”
“Ha, maybe a little. Well, I’d still need to use it to stand for too long.” Jackie took a few steps backwards. “Well, I’m…going to get breakfast, now.”
“Oh. Alright, Jackie,” Rama said. “But after you’re done, can I talk to you? Nothing bad, I promise.”
“Uh—sure.” Jackie gave them a tight smile. He backed up until he hit the other wall, then turned and hurried into the kitchen.
Deciding what he wanted was a task all on its own. He didn’t want anything too difficult to make, but he also didn’t want anything too plain to eat. After a moment’s consideration, he ended up taking out the box of Michelle’s favorite cereal—sugar was a strong taste, right?—and pouring it into a bowl. He went to the fridge to get some milk, but as soon as he opened the door and reached inside the cold—
'Cold air, cold concrete, everything cold enough to cause constant shivers. He’d tried to curl up as best as he could, but there was nowhere to hide. The room was stark and bare and dark. How long had it been? Must’ve been a few hours, at least, but something told him it was more than that.'
'Eventually, the door opened. He heard it, though there was no shift in the light. He also heard the footsteps. A hand grabbed him by the hair, pulling his head upward. “/Oh no, are you cold?/ Well, just think, it could be worse! /Next time, you could get locked inside the refrigerator. /Those things are big, once you’ve removed all the shelves./” He shook his head, the motion tearing at his hair, muttering words that were muffled by the cloth in his mouth—'
Jackie managed to slam the fridge door closed. He stood with his hands pressed against the door for a while, feeling his heart suddenly pound rapidly in his chest. And he took a deep breath. On second thought, he didn’t need milk.
He sat in the dining room at the table and quickly ate through his cereal. Once done, he could still hear Rama in the living room chatting with the Stacy woman, so he pulled out his phone and got lost in a coloring app for a while.
Eventually, he heard the front door open and close, and then Rama knocked on the doorframe to announce their presence—something they hadn’t always done, but something he appreciated, since he was rather…jumpy lately. “Hey Jackieboy. You good? Did she…freak you out or something?”
Jackie smiled at them. “No, no. I just…wasn’t expecting someone to show up. She seems alright.”
“She’s nice, yeah.” Rama walked over and sat down at the table across from him. “I like her. She, um…might be coming over more. Just thought I’d tell you now.”
He blinked. “Oh?”
“Yeah, she was in the country for some personal business, but now she’s decided to take an extended vacation. I told her we should meet up, and we exchanged phone numbers, so…nothing’s guaranteed, but she might be coming over sometimes.” Rama paused. “Is that okay?”
“Why wouldn’t it be okay?” Jackie shrugged. “If you like her, I like her. Though I would…um, appreciate it if…if she does come over, if you’d tell me when she’ll arrive. Just so I can…prepare.” He thought about trying to laugh, but it was too much effort. “Has Michelle met her, yet?”
“No, but I’m sure they’ll get along. Stacy says she’s good with kids. Apparently doesn’t have any of her own, but she was an aunt.” Rama leaned back in their chair. “Speaking of Michelle, what are we going to do for her birthday?”
“I dunno, what does she want? Party? Presents, of course.”
Rama laughed. “Yeah, of course. We should talk about what to get her, her birthday’s only a month away.”
Jackie stared at them, then sat up straight. “Oh fuck, her birthday’s only a month away!” He hit his forehead. “God, I totally forgot! Well, no, a-actually, I didn’t…didn’t FORGET, I just—I haven’t been keeping track of time—well, no, I’ve been trying to, but it just—it just slips away—”
“Jackie, calm down, it’s fine,” Rama said.
He didn’t respond, too busy checking the calendar on his phone. “Shit, it’s the third, it is only a month—and it’s only a week until Anti’s birthday, I have to get him a gift too, but that’s not too hard, but Michelle has a whole party and—”
“Jackie, it’s fine.” Rama reached over and put their hand on top of his. “It’s not your fault. I can do most of the stuff this year, it’s not like I don’t have the free time.” They chuckled a bit.
“But you still have to write, because that’s your job and all, but I—”
“Take it easy, Jackieboy. You’re still…getting better, it’s not good to push yourself.” Rama squeezed his hand. “I’ll be right here if you need anything, and so will your friends.”
Jackie took a deep breath. “Thanks, Ramram. Is…is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”
Rama, who’d been giggling a bit at the nickname, suddenly turned serious. “Well, no. You see, this woman called the house phone this morning before Stacy showed up. She said she was some sort of detective.”
“…oh.” Jackie nodded. “What did she say her name was?”
“Um…Kikilolo…no, sorry, Kikelomo. She also said she’d been waiting for you to call her, but since you haven’t yet, she found the home number in the phone book and called to check on you. She, uh…” Rama hesitated. “…wanted to know if you would be up for…coming in. To talk about what happened.”
“Who still uses phone books?” Jackie muttered. “Well, detectives, I guess.” He didn’t acknowledge anything past that.
“Jackie…” Rama sighed. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but…nevermind.”
“No, go ahead. Say what you were going to.”
“I just…think it would be a good idea if you told this detective about it,” Rama said slowly. “So she can help. What if…the same thing happens to someone else?”
Jackie looked down at the surface of the dining room table, tracing the whorls of the wood with his eyes. He took a deep breath. “That’s…a good point. Maybe I’ll…I’ll call her.”
“You sure?” Rama said.
“Yeah.” He nodded. “In fact, I’ll do that right now.”
He picked up his phone and stood up. Swaying for a moment, he turned and went into the living room, sitting down on the sofa. Rama followed him, watching as he dialed a number. He’d stared at the small card the detectives had given him in the hospital for so long, that he had the number memorized by now. Taking another deep breath, he listened to the ringing on the other end.
Three rings later, a voice on the other side picked up. “Hello?”
“H-hi, Detective Kikelomo?” Jackie said. “It—It’s Jackie Parker, remember me?”
“Ah, Dr. Parker, good to hear from you!” Kikelomo’s voice brightened. “I just spoke to your spouse this morning, I assume that’s why you’re calling?”
“Y…yeah, they said you wanted to talk to me? About…everything?” He glanced down, noticing his hand on his lap was shaking slightly.
“Well, if you’re up to it, we were thinking…”
Her voice trailed away. Or rather, Jackie stopped listening. He’d glanced down at his hand for a moment, curling his fingers into a fist to stop the shaking, and in the process his wrist had slipped out from under the sleeve of his hoodie. Twisted, raised scars covered them, running in a line—
'“T/his is entirely your fault./” Though he still couldn’t describe the voice to save his life, it was far too familiar. Also familiar were the hands pulling and twisting his arms behind his back. He wanted to cry out, to struggle, but his captor was pressing down heavily on his mind, gray fog weighing down every thought and impulse. Though that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt when his arms and joints were pushed into a position they shouldn’t be in.'
'“/I’m not taking this off./ For a while, if ever,/” the voice muttered. One hand held his arms in place, the other tightened the plastic zip-tie around his wrists. “/Though if you behave and be nice, I’ll put your arms back into a less…stressful position./” The hands let go, and the fog lifted from his mind. Instantly, his arms jerked, and he cried out, muffled sounds of pain as he tried to settle back into something more comfortable. But it was impossible. His muscles were already shaking from the effort of the unnatural position. The plastic tie was digging into his wrist—as it would continue to, for months, rubbing and eventually cutting into his skin—'
“—would you be up to that, Dr. Parker?” Kikelomo asked.
Jackie blinked furiously, shaking his hand so that the sleeve fell back down over his wrist. “Sorry, can you repeat that?”
“Tomorrow at eight a.m. At the station, if you’re comfortable with it, though I understand if you’re not.”
“No, I-I can be there. Eight in the morning, sharp.”
“Great. Me and Laurens will meet you there. See you tomorrow.” And she hung up.
Jackie dropped his phone—did not put it down, just opened his fingers and let it fall onto the couch cushions. He looked over at Rama, who waited. “So…guess I’ll be…going to the police station tomorrow.”
“At eight, I heard that part.” Rama nodded. “And you mean we’ll be going to the police station. The hospital still hasn’t cleared you for driving, remember?”
“Oh.” He’d almost forgotten about that. “Um, if you’re busy, I can call Jameson and ask him. Or take the train.”
“No, it’s fine, we have to drop Michelle off in the morning anyway, you can just come with me.” Rama smiled and nodded, as if it was settled. “Though if this is going to be, like, an appointment, you should probably get ready.”
“Um…yeah? Of course?” Jackie nodded. “What do you mean?”
“Oh, um…” Rama now looked a bit embarrassed. “I, um, noticed you’ve been wearing your hoodie a lot. And by that, I mean…all the time.”
Jackie folded his arms, feeling the fabric of the hoodie sleeves. “This is my favorite hoodie.”
“I know, but…well, you never wore it to sleep before,” Rama pointed out. “It…it needs to be washed. And while you’re doing that, you can, uh…wash yourself.”
Jackie suddenly laughed. “‘I’m washing me and my clothes,’ you mean?”
Rama couldn’t help but laugh too. “That’s a good one. Ah, rip Vine. But…well, seriously.” Their expression became serious again. “You, uh…haven’t really….I mean, maybe I haven’t seen it, but I haven’t noticed you, uh…” They stiffened, suddenly resolved. “Oh fuck it. Jackie, you haven’t taken a shower or a bath since you got home.”
Jackie had no response to that. For a moment he was frozen, staring at nothing, his shoulders hunched protectively. What was he supposed to say? To any of this? How was he supposed to tell them that he kept wearing the hoodie because he hadn’t had it…there, so if he wore it, he knew he was really back home? Let alone the whole situation with…He laughed nervously. “Are you saying I smell?”
“No. I mean, you do, but you actually smell like our cherry hand soap, nothing bad that I can pick up.” Rama shifted awkwardly. “But, uh…you might start smelling worse if this goes on any longer. By the way, I, uh, noticed we’ve been running out of hand soap real quickly.”
Well that was weird. It certainly wasn’t because he’d been using excessive amounts of their foamy hand soap to try and keep clean. Without water. No water, he didn’t ever want to see—Jackie took a deep breath. “Um…okay. I can…do that later tonight.”
“You sure?” Rama asked skeptically.
“Yeah. Definitely.” Jackie managed to pull off a smile.
“Okay…if you’re sure.” They headed towards the hall. “I’m going to go get some writing done.”
“Oh, I-I’ll come with you.” Jackie scrambled to his feet. “I’ll just—just get my laptop and headphones and—”
“And hang out in the room with me?” Rama raised an eyebrow, chuckling a bit. “The same thing you’ve been doing for the past two weeks?”
“Um…yeah, that, if it’s okay.” Jackie felt his face growing warm. “I won’t say anything or look at what you’re writing.”
“I know you won’t.” Rama gestured for him to follow them. “Well, c’mon.”
Jackie’s expression brightened a bit as he hurried after them.
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Later that evening, well after Rama had picked Michelle up from school and after they’d all had dinner, Jackie found himself standing in the doorway to the bathroom, clutching the sides of the door frame. His eyes were fixed on the bathtub. He must’ve been standing there for five minutes straight, and he knew it was starting to get ridiculous. He took a deep breath, and promised himself he’d step inside. And he did. One step. And then he was frozen again.
Another deep breath. And he took another step.
Another deep breath. And he closed the door behind him.
A few more deep breaths. And he walked over to the side of the bathtub.
He stared down at it, rubbing his arms. He was still wearing his hoodie, but of course, he’d have to take it off, along with everything else, to take a shower or a bath. Right? Maybe if he just left it on—and maybe if he left the shower curtain open while—
No, no, that was ridiculous. He could do it the normal way. After a few more minutes of blank staring, trying to work himself up, he reached forward and turned the handle for the…should it be hot? Or cold? Well he’d turn both on, of course, but which first? Burning, searing hot water, or shocking, freezing cold water?
Another moment passed, another deep breath passed, before his hand quickly darted forward and turned on the cold water with a squeak of the handle. Water spurted out. He slowly reached out and put his hand in the stream—
'—cold—freezing—gasping, thrashing—pouring down from above—he was smiling at him, always smiling, make it stop—gasping, gasping—please stop—please—stop—'
Crying out, Jackie threw himself backwards, and next thing he knew, he was out of the bathroom altogether and running down the hall. He passed the doorway to the office and slowed down, burying his face in his hands. He tried to take deep breaths. Deep breaths, deep, calm, everything’s fine.
“Jackie?” Rama opened the office door. “Is everything alright?”
“Ah—!” Jackie spun around, eyes wide with alarm, but then he smiled shakily. “Yeah, I’m just—I forgot our washing machine was broken.”
“It’s not—”
“So I’m gonna just walk down to the laundromat and—and wash my hoodie there. I-I’ll be right back!” He hurriedly walked down the hallway, not turning around to look at Rama again. He was almost out the door before he remembered he needed money for a laundromat, so he turned back around, grabbed his wallet from the table it was sitting on in the living room, and then left, not noticing how he slammed the door behind him.
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It was actually kind of…nice, to be in the laundromat. It wasn’t too far away from home, and it smelled clean, like detergent. Sure, the tiles of the floor were a little cold, but the music playing over the intercom was pleasant. And there were people there. An attendant at the front counter, and two other customers doing their washing. Jackie actually found himself relaxing a bit. While his hoodie was going through the cycle, he sat on top of the washing machine and checked his messages on his phone.
It looked like none of his friends had messaged him in the past few hours. They were probably busy. He knew Anti liked to start recording at around this time of day, and Schneep was probably at work. And Marvin wasn’t very good at texting at all, he preferred phone calls. Curious, Jackie sent a quick text to JJ. "Hey, what’s up?"
The reply was quick. "Hello Jackie!! Not much rn, but I found a new spell that I could start testing soon :D"
"Oh, cool! What is it?"
"Animal transformation!! Very advanced, but I think I could handle it after some study. Will need someone else to supervise, tho, in case things go wrong. Do you want to come over?"
It felt like Jackie’s heart froze. "To your house? Like, now?"
"Well not now, like in a few days. I just thought you would be interested and would like to get out. But of course you don’t have to if you don’t want to."
In truth, Jackie hadn’t seen his friends in person in a while. It must’ve been at least a week and a half, probably more. He’d told them all that he needed space, and they were happy to accommodate. But really, he missed seeing them. Maybe he should go visit? "Couldnt Marvin help you?" he texted.
"Well yes, he’s going to. But with this spell, it’s advised to have as many people watching as possible. Again, only if you want to, tho."
He considered the idea of leaving. Going out into the city didn’t seem so bad. Seeing friends. Going into another house—
'The door was locked, which was about what he expected. The windows were boarded up from the outside, some of them with shattered glass that he didn’t dare step towards, not after what had happened with the broken mirror. He noticed a fireplace, and briefly considered ducking inside, but he was in no shape to climb up a chimney. So he settled on the door. The knob wouldn’t turn when he tried, the wood wouldn’t shudder when he kicked and pounded on it. Tears were streaking down his face. He screamed, asking, pleading for someone passing by on the street to hear or somehow see him, but nobody was coming, and then there was someone behind him—'
Jackie shivered. No, JJ’s town house wasn’t the same thing as… there. But… "Maybe another time, bud."
Alright, JJ replied. "My door is always open, you know."
"I know." Jackie paused, then sent another message. "So anything else new? Maybe with Marvin?" He could keep the conversation going. That wouldn’t be too difficult. Really, he just…wanted to think about anything else.
Eventually he was done washing his hoodie. Once it came out of the dryer, he immediately pulled it on. The warm cloth felt good, and it smelled like the slightly flowery detergent he’d borrowed from one of the other customers. It was nice to wear again, especially on the short walk back home.
But once he WAS back home…he found himself pausing outside of the doorway. It was almost like…he didn’t want to go in. But that was ridiculous. This was his house. It was a safe place. So…why didn’t he feel safe?
Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to open the front door and go inside. This was alright. He could do this.
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The next morning, a loud noise started blaring in his ear. He bolted upright with a shriek, rolling over and falling off the side of the bed. It was a dark room—no no no no, it had all been a lie! He never went home, he was still there—but his hands were free, he had to get out of here while he could! He scrambled to his feet and bolted for the door, slamming against it. He felt for the knob, turning it. The door opened easily, and he fell onto the ground outside, surprised. That wasn’t right…also the hallway was lit up…
“Jackie?”
Jackie looked up, seeing Rama down the hall. They were still in their pajamas, but they’d shoved their red beanie onto their head. And they were looking at him, clearly concerned.
Realizing that he wasn’t where he’d thought he was, Jackie hurried to stand up. He laughed nervously. “Sorry about that. Guess I forgot I set the alarm…wow, it’s dark outside.”
“Well…it’s a little after six am in the fall, so that makes sense.” Rama walked over to him. “You…you doing okay, Jackieboy?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, I just forgot.” He laughed again.
“Okay.” Rama didn’t look convinced, but they moved on. “I’m guessing you set the alarm so that you could get ready for the thing you have with the detective today?”
“Yeah. I figured two hours would be enough time.” Jackie backed up. “Wow, the alarm is…still going. I’m gonna go turn that off.” He turned around and went back into the bedroom, closing the door on Rama.
He turned on the light switch, illuminating the small bedroom. How could he have mistaken here for THERE? This was exactly why he’d wanted the curtains open ALL the time. So he wouldn’t wake up and think he was back in that…other bedroom. He’d gotten into the habit of sleeping well into the daytime, so when he usually woke up, the sunlight would be shining through the glass and lighting up the room, showing that it wasn’t the same place. But now that it was early and dark outside…that was different.
Quickly, Jackie turned off the alarm on his phone and opened the curtains on one of the windows. See? He could see outside. The familiar view of the small backyard was comforting. Sighing, he went back out into the hallway.
Rama had moved into the kitchen, and they were now messing with the stove, making bacon. When they saw Jackie come in, they smiled. “Alright, you look good.”
“I doubt that,” Jackie muttered.
“Well, you’re right, you look like tired shit.”
Jackie gasped, mock-offended. “Rama, I thought you loved me!”
Rama laughed. “I’m just saying it like it is. Unless that was somehow very offensive in English, in which case I plead ignorance.”
Jackie rolled his eyes. “So…you’re making breakfast?”
“Yes,” Rama turned their attention back to the pan. “Do you want to take a shower while I do this? It’ll be a while.”
“Um…” Jackie felt like his feet were rooted to the spot. “Sure, I’ll…I’ll do that.” He took a deep breath, and stepped out of the kitchen.
Okay. He could take a quick shower. Just like…a ten minute shower. That wouldn’t be too bad. Just five minutes. He’ll set a timer on his phone. Maybe for five minutes, actually.
Much sooner than he would’ve liked, he was back in the bathroom. Once again staring at the bathtub. Okay, starting with cold water hadn’t gone well yesterday. But he didn’t want to start with hot water, either. What if he turned both knobs at the same time? That might work. Jackie took another deep breath, and quickly grabbed both knobs with both hands and turned. Water gushed out of the spout.
Jackie laughed, a sound on the border between triumph and hysteria. Good, step one done. This time, he did not reach in to check the temperature. He’d turned both knobs at once, so that meant it would be fine! It would be fine…if he could just actually step into the tub.
Again, the thought occurred to him that he really, REALLY didn’t want to take off his hoodie. But he would have to. Maybe he could…step inside and THEN take it off? Could that work?
He took several deep breaths. Sitting on the edge of the bathtub, he swung his legs over the side. Splash. This was fine. The water was barely an inch deep. It was okay. Never mind the way his heartbeat had skyrocketed when he first felt the water.
Jackie managed to stand up, clutching the edge of the windowsill. He almost knocked over the bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and lotion sitting on the sill, but he managed to avoid that. Was the bathtub filling up? Well, of course it was, but would it keep filling up, or was the drain unplugged? He shook himself. It wouldn’t matter. He’d only be five minutes. Perfectly manageable.
Reaching over, he grabbed the shower curtains closed, making a familiar rattling sound. He froze.
'“/Looks like you need some help, then./”'
“No.” Jackie squeezed his eyes shut. “No, no, no, this is fine, this is different. This is good. I have to do this. It’s fine.”
He took one more deep breath, and opened his eyes, keeping up the stream of reassurances. There was just one more step to get started. And then he’d…have to worry about everything else. Keeping one hand on the windowsill, he bent over and turned one last knob.
Water came pouring out of the shower head above.
'—There was no getting away from this. The inside of the bathtub was slippery, and with his hands tied behind his back, he couldn’t get out. He tried to, of course. Kicking and thrashing sent water flying everywhere. Though it made no difference. He was already soaked through, his teeth chattering from the cold seeping into his bones. The spout was pouring more water into the tub, even though it was already overflowing. How long had he been in here before he’d woken up? It must’ve been a while.'
'He tried once more to climb out, but his legs slipped, and his head went under the water. Gasping, he pushed himself upright again, spluttering.'
'“/No, no, don’t get up./” He didn’t know when Distorter had gotten there, but he was here now. He grabbed his hair—it was always the hair, always, always—and twisting the strands between his fingers, shoved his head under again. There was no time at all to get another solid breath in. Under the water again, and his lungs immediately began screaming. He tried to pull away, but the grip was too tight. He had to get out, he had to breathe—'
“Dad?” Michelle opened the bathroom door. “Dad, are you okay?”
Jackie shrieked, and tried to spin around. But of course he slipped, falling against the shower curtain and instinctively grabbing it. The pole above was ripped free of its supports, and came tumbling down with Jackie. He collapsed on the edge of the bathtub, the shower rod knocking him on the head.
“Oh my god!” Michelle covered her mouth. “Dad, stay there, I’ll get Ren!” She turned and ran, leaving the door open.
Jackie blinked for a bit, head aching. He looked up. Water from the shower continued to rain down, landing on his face.
'It was hot this time, and he was screaming. Steam was filling the small room, thick enough to choke on. He was on fire, burning, burning, burning. He couldn’t just stay here, he had to get out! Wiggling and thrashing, he probably would’ve found some way to throw himself out of the tub if Distorter hadn’t been there holding him down. One hand on the back of his head, tangled in his hair, the other one on his back, pushing him down. And Distorter was laughing.'
'“/You were complaining so much about the other ones, I thought this would be an improvement! /See, isn’t it nice that I listened? /Friends listen to each other, and try to make each other happy./ Aren’t you happy?/”'
'He shook his head furiously. Tears were stinging his eyes, running down his face. The zip-tie was cutting into his wrists again, and the hot water was agony on the new cuts. He was saying something, but even he couldn’t figure out what it was, aside from some sort of jumble of words asking for it to stop, promising to do anything if this would just stop—'
“Jackie, Jackie, look at me! Jackie, you have to look at me! Can you stand up?! Can you talk to me?! Say something! C’mon, Jackieboy!”
He felt something hit his face. Blinking, Jackie looked up at Rama’s worried face.
“Okay, good, you’re looking at me.” Relief flooded their features. “Can you say something? Anything?”
Anything? He couldn’t think of anything. Except… “Make it stop,” he mumbled, dazed. “Please. Please, I’ll…I’ll be good, I promise…”
Rama’s eyes widened. They looked over their shoulder. “Why don’t you go eat breakfast, mijita? We’ll be right there.” Tiny footsteps pattered away, and they turned back. “Jackie, what’s wrong? What do you want me to stop?”
He blinked, and glanced up at the water.
'It was warm now, a bearable temperature. But there was something in the water, something grainy. Salt. He knew this meant something terrible, but he couldn’t figure out what, and even if he could, Distorter was pressing down hard on his mind again. He couldn’t move.'
'The mirror in the bathroom was broken. Shards littered the counter. He watched as Distorter picked up one of the larger pieces. His ever-present smile widened, and then he was back next to the bathtub. He grabbed his hair, pulling him close. “This is going to hurt. A lot. But it’s what you get for being like this.”'
'The shard of broken mirror dug into his cheek. He gasped. Then it sliced into the other. And Distorter let go. He dropped the mirror shard, and instead picked up a plastic bucket, like one a kid would bring to the beach. Smiling wider still, he used the bucket to scoop up some of the salty water. His hand still in Jackie’s hair, he tilted his head back, and poured.'
'Jackie screamed.'
There was a squeaking sound, and gradually, Jackie realized the water had stopped. Rama appeared before him again, placing a hand on either side of his face. “Okay, it’s off. Is this good? Do you feel better now?”
“Hmmh.” Jackie nodded slowly. His eyes darted around the bathroom. This…this wasn’t the same room. This was…his. Back at home. He wasn’t…
He started to cry.
“Oh…oh, Jackieboy, it’s okay.” Rama pulled him close, not minding how he was soaking wet. They wrapped their arms around him. “It’s okay, you’re safe here. Nothing’s going to hurt you. Jackieboy. Mi corazón. You’re safe here.”
For a long, long moment, Jackie just let himself be held. But after a while of these reassurances, he shook his head. “I…I don’t feel it.”
“You don’t feel what?” Rama asked gently. “Safe?”
“Y-yeah…that.” Jackie squeezed his eyes shut. “I should be, I know, but everything here just reminds me of…there. And him.” He buried his head in Rama’s shirt. “I didn’t want to feel like I was drowning again…”
“I see…” Rama muttered. “Oh. Oh Jackieboy, I’m so sorry. I should’ve known. If I’d known how you felt, I wouldn’t have forced you to—”
“You didn’t know because I didn’t tell you,” Jackie interrupted. “I—I should be normal again by now, because I’m almost better from all the physical stuff, so I should be…better in other ways, too. But I-I still don’t want to grow my hair out again, and I said I would do that when…”
“No, no, Jackieboy.” Rama rubbed circles on his back. “This is going to take a long time to recover from. It was…an…ordeal, what happened to you, and it will not just go away. Especially not if you try to push yourself to go back to some kind of ‘normal.’ Things are not normal right now, and they might not ever be the old normal again. But that is okay. Do you understand?”
Jackie let out a sob. “I’m just…so tired. Of not feeling alright when I’m here.”
“I know, Jackieboy, I know.” Rama paused. “Maybe…you should talk to someone about this? Not those detectives, I think it’s clear now that you’re not ready for that. But a therapist? You know the hospital suggested that, but you never…said if you wanted that.”
“That…that might be a good idea,” Jackie agreed.
“So we’ll try that?”
“Yeah…we can try that.”
Rama pulled away. They smiled at him. “That’s great. Now…can we get out of the bathroom? Or at least the tub?”
“Oh. Yeah, that would be a good idea.” Jackie let Rama pull him up and help him step out of the bathtub. He winced as he saw the broken shower rod and curtain leaning against the wall. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s fine, we can afford a new one,” Rama dismissed. They brushed a few strands of wet hair out of Jackie’s face. “I have to go take Michelle to school, you know. Will you be okay home alone?”
After a moment of serious consideration, Jackie nodded. “I’ll just…hang out in the front room. And look out the window.”
“Alright, but you know you can always go sit outside or something if it bothers you.” Rama leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to Jackie’s forehead. “Now let’s get out of here.”
.............................................................................................
The next hour or so went by fairly easily. They had breakfast, Jackie changed out of his wet pajamas (though he ran the hoodie through the dryer real quick and put it back on), and Rama took Michelle to school. Jackie did indeed hang out in the front room the whole time, looking out the window and not looking back into the house. Soon, he saw the car pulling back in. Later than he would’ve expected, though. And his eyes widened when he saw someone else step out of the car as well as Rama and follow them inside the house.
“Jackie, are you okay?!” Schneep flung open the front door, immediately crossing the room to sit on the sofa next to Jackie. His eyes looked him over.
“I’m fine, uh, but what are you doing here?” Jackie asked, baffled.
“I thought you might want to see friends,” Rama explained, shutting the front door. “I also dropped by Anti’s, but he didn’t answer. Would’ve gone by the other two, also, but they live in the opposite direction.”
“They said you hit your head in the shower, are you okay?” Schneep repeated.
“Um, I am now.” Jackie had been quick to check out the injury, and aside from a bruise forming, he didn’t think it was too much of a problem.
“Good, good.” Schneep nodded. “They also said, ah…you…were not having a good time. Recently. Would you…like to talk about it?”
Jackie felt tears welling in his eyes again. “I…don’t know.”
“Alright, then we will not talk about it,” Schneep said. “But if you need a professional to talk to, I know a good therapist. His specialty is not in…this area, but I am sure he knows others who are. Or who…do. Whatever is the correct phrase.”
“Is is like, ‘others who has a specialty’?” Rama asked.
“Maybe it is ‘others whose specialty is,’” Schneep said. He nodded. “Yes, that sounds right.”
“English. The most confusing language,” Rama muttered.
“Oh, very true,” Schneep agreed.
Jackie laughed. Once. It faded away quickly as he looked around the room. “I don’t know, Volt, I just…feel like I have to get out of here.”
“Well, you can,” Schneep said. “What is the problem you are having?”
“I…it just…” Jackie waved vaguely at their surroundings. “It’s…a house.”
Rama frowned. “Well, there’s not much we can do about that. Except move.”
“I’m not asking to move, Ram,” Jackie said, tired.
“What if you stayed somewhere else for a while?” Schneep asked.
“Like where?”
“Well…” Schneep shrugged. “If you are worried about the ‘house’ part, then I live in an apartment. And it is very open, nothing like a house with rooms.” He waited for an answer. When Jackie didn’t give one, he hurried to add, “Only if you want to, of course, I am not going to make you—”
“It’s a good idea,” Jackie interrupted. “I’m just…a little worried about Michelle. I’ve been gone for so long…would she be okay with…?”
“Jackieboy,” Rama said. “She’s a strong girl. And smart, in an emotional way. I’m sure we could explain to her, and she’d understand.”
Jackie looked down at his hands, sitting in his lap. For a moment, he caught another glimpse of the mangled scars around his wrists. He quickly pulled his sleeves down over them. And looked up at the two others. “I think…this would be good, then. Only temporarily, of course.”
Rama smiled, and nodded. “Of course. When would you want to go?”
“I don’t…know. Volt, when would you want me to move in?”
“Whenever you are ready,” Schneep said. “We could even do it today, I have nothing going on.”
“Not today.” Jackie shook his head. “What about…tomorrow? In the morning?”
“That sounds good,” Schneep said.
“I’ll make a note of it,” Rama said, walking over to the other two and sitting on Jackie’s other side. “Hey…Jackieboy?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Schneep nodded. “And your friends do, too.”
Jackie blinked. And smiled. It was small, but it was real. “Thanks, guys. I love you too.”
It was nice to know that, whatever changed, however he felt, that would still be there.