sometimes i think adopting a cat is the best thing i ever did for my mental health. i have learned so much about the nature of love, trust, and attunement in such a short period of time. i cry regularly when i see Domino bravely seeking safety, attention, warmth. at times i think he appears fearlessly vulnerable, but he does feel fear - he acts in spite of his fear, with courage. i ponder his past, and my own, considering the events that have made me less trusting of others, and how i can use his courage as an example to emulate.

he is very young, and so many experiences seem entirely new for him; i am not sure if he has ever had a previous caretaker. when i first adopted him, he always slept by himself, but in the past month he has started to get closer, slowly - visiting the bed for 15 minutes in the morning, sleeping on the bed for an hour, and recently laying beside me and drifting off to sleep with my arms around him. maybe it's just the weather growing colder, but i treasure the process all the same.

the trust that domino shows me gives me strength and confidence that helps me trust myself. i'm earnestly striving to create an environment where he feels loved, safe, stimulated, and understood. i often feel confused about his actions, and i try to be curious: i didn't understand for a while why he would meow for my attention and lead me to his food bowl when it was already full. i assumed that he was asking for more food, and would walk away puzzled. after a while i realized that he wanted me to sit next to him while he was eating, and the realization that he felt safer having me by his side while he eats pierced my heart, the understanding that my presence gave him the comfort he needed, finally able to interpret the meows not as a demand for food, but a request for company.

sometimes my mind attempts to diminish the bond that we've built by thinking things like, "well, he would form a bond with anyone else who treated him kindly, played with him, gave him food, and gave him pets". i think in those times i'm searching for reasons to doubt my own kindness, to imagine it as a commodity of little value. i am trying to challenge myself to practice gratitude, to appreciate our connection not for it's exclusivity, but just for the fact that it exists. i want to teach the parts of myself that view our bond as ordinary to recognize how extraordinary these small tender moments are. i want to treasure waking up and seeing slow blinks everyday, to never take these minutes for granted, i want to burn them into my heart and to change me forever.

i love domino so much. domino is teaching me much about what love can be.

The small cousins were very focused on their meals this mornyan. Sam got crunchies (his favorite), while Loki and Graybell split some wet food. As usual, I stayed nearby so that a certain orange cat didn't steal from the others.

Peanut and Buddy