thinking of putting together a tier list of how severely a "corporate voice" would get beaten if it were an actual person.
so far i've got kindly old ceramics enthusiast who runs the pottery supply in town on tier F, "you'd step in to protect them from a beatdown".
kfc - stunningly obnoxious copy, but at the end of the day you can ignore it so long as you use adblock - is a good anchor for the midlist. tier C, "slap them in the face and push them over onto dog poo".
coles and woolworths, the supermarket duopoly, have a slightly less overtly obnoxious voice. but they use that voice to pat themselves endlessly on the back for
- 'working with' farmers while using their market power to squeeze them dry
- 'supporting' families with token gestures and pricing while extracting maximum coin with the other hand
- spruiking careers and job opportunities (wherein you can enjoy a couple of years of unreliable rostering and wage theft, before you are sacked and replaced by a self-service surveillance machine)
and so on. they occupy tier B, "punch in the solar plexus, uppercut, knock over with a palm strike to the face, kick in the guts".
tier A is going to be pretty full. there are lots of different ways a company can reach tier A, but they all result in "curbstomped into the ICU".
and spotify? impressive. the most disgusting, hateful voice that is also a true and accurate reflection of the underlying parasitic evil. instant tier S. tier S is, appropriately enough, "beaten with a golf club from the brand most favoured by venture capitalists until not a single bone is unbroken".
