last night, while talking with a friend and preparing for bed, i found myself thinking about labels. in particular, how utterly non-human and simultaneously utterly non-"theta delta" i am.
cuz like! i'm for sure not human in the slightest. that much is obvious. this human body my consciousness resides within contains so precious few signifiers of my identity. for someone to even assume me to be human in identity is unsettling and frankly insulting. so the case for me being human is easily ruled out.
but i'm also decidedly not therian! i simply am not an animal in identity - there are no animals that suitably encapsulate me. certainly, animals reflect more individual aspects that align to my identity: soft fur, large floppy ears, hooves, things to that effect. Even given those concessions, though, there is no animal that matches the shape of my truest self, nor is there any animal that i feel i align behaviorally or spiritually. the closest one might get is goat, but even that falls drastically short in many key ways - one of the largest of which is that i feel absolutely no interest in identifying with something that is not bipedal. at best, i am based on goats, with extra emphasis on based on.
to speak honestly, to even be implied to be therian elicits such a strongly opposing response1 in me, to the point that it feels just as unpleasant as being assumed to be human. both labels are akin to being made to wear a shirt that's several sizes too small for you - restrictive, uncomfortable, and irksome!
in the end, i'm neither man nor animal. one could possibly argue that i fall under some definition of otherkin, but even that simply doesn't feel suitable; in fact, to put a label to what i am only feels limiting nowadays. i used to want to label each part of my identity, to find the exact right terms to define myself by. then time passed, and the constant shifting and redefining of my self-assigned identity labels got old. it also began feeling restrictive as i discovered more exceptions that made categorization of myself maddeningly difficult. eventually, i tossed all of it out. the only label i really go out of the way to put on myself now is 'queer' (and perhaps 'furry', though i feel very little attachment to it for identity purposes and more use that label for convenience).
what i ended up concluding with my friend last night ends up fitting best: i'm simply Kayde - no labels needed! i don't get anything out of applying granular labels of identity to my experience. i don't want to seek them out for myself, and i especially don't wish to have them placed onto me by others. one's truest identity defies labeling by nature: it is complex and multifaceted and unique to everyone. if others get something out of fitting their identity within a label, then that is power to them! but for me, living outside the labels suits me plenty well.
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obviously this is not to say that i disrespect or oppose those who do identify under this label; rather, it is simply that i bristle at the suggestion that it could fit for me.