Part Eleven of the Switch AU
A JSE Fanfic
[This is part of an ongoing fic series I started in April 2019. After nine months, our missing friend returns, and the rest of the group is relieved. But things aren't instantly fixed and all better. Quick warning, there are some things that could possibly be upsetting. Mentions of self-harm, though nothing actually happens. Read at your own risk.]
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It was late at night, and the suburb streets were almost completely empty. There was just a single car driving down the road, a small silver one passing below the yellow streetlights. The woman at the wheel kept glancing out the side window every minute or so, seeing what has changed since she was last in the neighborhood. It probably wasn’t the safest thing to do, but then again, if she hadn’t been looking out the window, she probably wouldn’t have noticed the person on the side of the road at all.
She drove past at first, but then she suddenly hit the breaks. What was that guy doing out here this late at night? That was…a little weird. She looked back at the person—now upon further inspection, she decided it was a man—again. Then she backed up. Illegal, maybe, but she didn’t particularly care. “Hey, there,” she called, rolling down the window by the sidewalk. “Um… How’re you?”
The man stared at her, silent and swaying on his feet. He…didn’t look good. His hair was a ratty mess, held back in a ponytail. He was extremely pale, practically white. As she watched, he folded his thin arms, hugging himself. He was shivering, despite the warm summer night.
“Um…” The woman debated whether or not to go through with her next idea. She’d heard stories about thieves and worse using a vulnerable face to fool people into trusting them. But in the end, she couldn’t take the chance that this was a trick. She’d take the risk. “You need a ride?”
After a moment of continuing to stare at her with wide blue eyes, the man nodded. She unlocked her car doors, leaning across the seat to push the passenger-side door open. The man climbed inside, shutting it behind him. He didn’t look at her, instead staring forward blankly. Now that she was seeing him up close, he…he looked even worse. His cheeks were hollow, shoulders sharp and bony. “So…where to?” The woman asked. “And, uh, are…are you okay?”
The man mumbled something that she couldn’t quite make out.
“…I see.” She looked him over again. Now, she noticed his exposed arms were bruised and battered. And his wrists…she didn’t even want to look at them, they were just…mangled. “Um…” She picked up her phone, searching for a destination on her GPS. Once she’d found the address, she put the phone down and put her car back into gear. “We’re going to the hospital, okay?”
“Mm-hmm…mhh.” The man leaned backwards against the car seat and closed his eyes.
The woman started driving once again. “Umm…what’s your name?”
The man didn’t answer. When she glanced over at him, he wasn’t moving. Normally she would’ve assumed he’d fallen asleep, but with the condition he was in…she dared to speed a little above the limit.
Upon arriving at the hospital, the woman tried to shake the man conscious, but to no avail. She didn’t want to try slapping or shouting, so she awkwardly tried carrying him in both arms.
“Ma’am? Ma’am! You can’t park here!” A woman in scrubs was running towards her from the nearest entrance. “This is for designated vehicles only!”
She spun around, staring down at the shorter woman. “This man needs medical attention,” she said coolly. “I will move my car once I’m sure that he has it. If it takes too long, feel free to tow it.”
The hospital worker was taken aback; the woman’s tone left no room for argument. She pointed back towards the entrance. “Reception is that way, ma’am.”
“Thank you.” She walked as quickly as she dared in that direction, holding the man close to her.
The hospital’s reception was mostly empty, though there were a few people sitting around. All of them watched as the woman ran right up to the check-in desk. “This is an emergency,” she stressed. “You need to get this man in there right now.”
The man sitting at the desk stared up at her, shocked. “Al…alright, ma’am.” He pulled the keyboard of his computer close. Briefly, he looked at the monitor to type, but then after a moment, he looked back at the man, face scrunching in confusion…and something else. “Who is he?”
“I-I don’t know,” the woman admitted. “I found him on the side of the road.”
At that moment, a man in a white coat—a doctor—entered the reception, door swinging closed behind him. He approached the desk. “Thomas, do you—” He started to say, glancing at the woman. And then he stopped. He turned to fully look at the woman, then down at the man she was carrying.
“Hi, Dr. Green,” the receptionist Thomas said. “Sorry, I need to take care of this, she says that this man needs urgent attention.”
“Damn right he does,” Dr. Green said. He grabbed a small radio device from his belt. “Dr. Green to the A&E department, get a trauma team down here. Now!”
The team arrived within five minutes, bringing a gurney with them. They moved quickly, taking the man from the woman and laying him out, checking pulse and breathing as they rushed him back down the hall they came from.
Dr. Green turned to the woman. “Thank you.”
“Oh! Um, you’re welcome.” She was a bit confused by the phrase; it sounded oddly personal. “I couldn’t just leave him there. Can you find out who he is?”
Dr. Green smiled. “I know who he is. He used to work here, nine months ago.”
The woman blinked. “Ah. Well then. Can I ask who he is?”
“His name’s Jackie. Dr. Jackie Parker.”
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The phone was ringing. In fact, it had been ringing for five minutes straight. Rama blinked the sleep out of their eyes and rolled over to grab their cell phone. They squinted at the bright screen, blinding them in the dark room. This was a familiar number. But what was he doing calling them at 12:30 in the morning?
Rama accepted the call, holding the phone to their ear. “Hello, Karter. What is it?” They laid back in bed, listening to the other end. Then their eyes widened, and they sat straight up. “You’re kidding. Karter Green, is this a joke?” They listened for a while more, then threw their blankets away, standing up. “Holy shit, I’m there. Just give me some time, I need to wake up Michelle and drive there. I-I’ll see you once we arrive.”
Over half an hour later, another phone across the city started to ring—or, vibrate, since it was on silent. This call was picked up much quicker than the other.
“Rama, why are you calling me?” Anti asked. “You never call me.”
“Anti!” Rama shouted. “They found him.”
For a moment, Anti couldn’t say anything. He was frozen. He was staring at his computer screen, but he wasn’t seeing it. All that he saw was Jackie—Jackie laughing, Jackie knocking on the door to check on him, Jackie offering to watch Will for the evening, Jackie saying goodbye on the last day he’d seen him. “They did?” His voice came out oddly strangled.
“They did!” Rama also sounded choked up. “Michelle and I are at the hospital now, the one h-he worked—works at. He’s…he’s really here. He’s alive.”
Anti was silent for a long while. “Th-that’s great. Oh my god.” He didn’t know what to say. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to express the wave of warmth and relief he was drowning in? He hadn’t expected to be feeling this. “H-have you called anyone else?”
“I called Henrik, but he didn’t pick up, so I left him a text,” Rama said. “I’m about to call Jameson and Marvin.”
“Do that right fucking now. I-I gotta—I gotta figure out how to get there.” It was one in the morning, the buses were closed and he couldn’t drive. Should he bring Will? It sounded like Rama had brought Michelle, but she was Jackie’s daughter. If he didn’t bring him, he’d have to find someone to watch him—
Why was he just sitting here?! He had to get there now! Anti pushed his chair back, knocking it over. There was no way he was waiting until morning to see Jackie again.
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After shouting at various hospital personnel for a while, Anti was finally let into the ICU. He made a beeline for the room where Jackie was, easily identifiable by the fact that Rama and Michelle were outside the door. Michelle was sitting on a plastic hospital chair, wearing her Supergirl pajamas and swinging her feet. Rama, meanwhile, was talking to a woman with a short blonde undercut. The woman was dressed neatly, and lacking the usual ID that hospital employees wore. Anti glared at her. He walked right up to the group and asked, “Who the hel—heck is this?”
Rama sighed, but smiled at him. “Hi, Anti. You got here quick.”
“Got a ride with a neighbor, and got her to watch Will, too. Who is this?”
“This is Ms. Davidson, she’s the one who found Jackie,” Rama explained.
Ms. Davidson flashed a smile, holding out a hand. “Charming. Are you Jackie’s brother?”
Anti folded his arms, not taking the woman up on her offered handshake. “I might as well be at this point. How do you know him?”
“Well, I don’t.” Ms. Davidson curled her hand into a fist and withdrew it. “I was driving and I saw him walking down the side of the road and he looked…well, I thought it would be a good idea to get him here soon.”
“You’re American.” Anti noted her accent. “What are you doing here? Where did you find him?”
“The suburbs, southeast side of the city.” Ms. Davidson folded her arms. “And I’m here for my own reasons, that I don’t have to explain to you.”
“And you just happened to be driving through the suburbs, in the middle of the night? Why?” Anti demanded. “Lose your hotel or something?”
“Anti, stop,” Rama suddenly snapped. “Don’t you dare immediately just into this with your sh—stuff. Not right now. She found him, that’s all that matters.”
With that, Anti glanced towards the closed door to the hospital room. His expression softened, just a bit. “Fine. Thanks, Karen.”
“My name is St—”
Anti didn’t bother to listen to Ms. Davidson, quickly walking to the door and closing it behind him and cutting her off.
The room was about average, for what hospital rooms looked like. And Anti was quite familiar with what they looked like, having been in quite a few of them. But he never could’ve imagined that he’d one day see Jackie in the hospital bed. Let alone like this. Jackie was sleeping, or maybe unconscious, looking quite small underneath the white blanket. His hair was spread out across the pillow, a few strands shorter than the rest. They must’ve had to cut the hair elastic out, to get his hair out of the ponytail. There were a few wires and tubes hooked up to Jackie, including one leading to a bag of blood and a mask on his face leading to a supply of oxygen.
Anti pulled one of the hospital chairs closer to the bed, spinning it around before sitting down, so he could rest his arms on the back of the chair. He was silent for a long, long moment. Jackie…he was really back. Hesitantly, Anti reached out and gently picked up one of Jackie’s hands, careful not to touch the bandage wrapped around his wrist. He ran his thumb over the back of it, feeling each place where the bones stood out. “God…” he whispered, his voice breaking on the single syllable. “What did he do to you?”
Jackie didn’t answer, of course. Anti glanced over at the various machines surrounding the bed, noting the steady rate of the vital signs. He sighed. Deeply. For what felt like a long time, he just sat there, holding Jackie’s hand. Until the fingers twitched. The steady breathing hitched a bit, and Jackie’s eyelids fluttered open.
“…H…hey, there,” Anti said quietly. He gently squeezed Jackie’s hand—very carefully, more of a slight applying of pressure than anything else.
Jackie’s breath hitched again. His eyes swiveled over to look at Anti without moving his head. They widened slightly. “A-an…ti…?” Jackie’s voice was hoarse, rough with either disuse or overuse, hard to tell.
Anti smiled, trying to look cheerful. “Yeah. It’s me. You’re in the hospital, it’s alright.”
Jackie tried to squeeze his hand back. But then his eyes narrowed. “…real?” he asked. “P…prove…it.”
“Prove it?” Anti thought about this for a while. How would he go about doing that? “Well…alright, I guess.” He took a deep breath. “You remember how we met, right? It was actually in this same hospital. But, y’know, I was in the bed this time. You were just on your rounds, and you looked inside my room to check on me, because you’re a friendly bastard like that. And I told you to fuck off.” Anti laughed a bit. “Well, actually, I couldn’t talk, but I wrote it down on the whiteboard they gave me. And when you wouldn’t go away, I just kept writing it bigger and underlining it and stuff. And then you did fuck off, but an hour later you showed up again, and you brought a milkshake from the cafeteria ‘cause you said it looked like I needed one. And when I didn’t tell you to fuck off that time, you kinda just…sat there. And talked to me.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “So…yeah. I-I don’t know if that would help, but I mean, I never told anyone but Will that story—without saying I said ‘fuck off,’ of course.”
Throughout most of the talking, Jackie’s eyes had stayed narrowed. It wasn’t until the end that he relaxed. He closed his eyes, and once again tried to squeeze Anti’s hand. “…yeah…” he rasped.
Anti nodded. He felt his heart in his throat. For a moment, he thought it would leap right out. But then he felt a sudden shock of cold, as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over him. He suddenly cleared his throat, pulling his hand back. “Rama and Michelle are here, too,” he said. “I-I’ll go get them.” And with that, he stood up, walked back to the door and opened it.
Upon hearing that Jackie was awake, Rama burst into the room, holding Michelle by the hand. “Oh…” They breathed, and then hurried to stand next to the bed, leaving the hospital chair for Michelle to sit in. “Hey, Jackieboy.” They smiled, blinking back watery eyes before reaching out to brush a strand of hair away from Jackie’s face. “It…it’s good to see you again.”
Michelle scooted the chair closer. “Hi, Daddy.” She was whispering. “Ren said to be careful ‘cause you’re hurt. So I’m gonna say hi from here instead of hugging.”
Jackie couldn’t say anything, just staring at the two of them. All of a sudden, he began crying, softly.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay, Jackieboy,” Rama said. They started to cry too, though they were still smiling. “You know the guys here, you’re in good hands.”
Anti left. He didn’t want to intrude on this warm family moment.
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The others came to see Jackie the next day. Marvin and JJ arrived together, of course. They showed up in the morning, looking as if they’d just woken up. JJ immediately began talking Jackie’s ear off about what had happened while he was gone, and though it was unusual for him to talk that much, the hospital had absolutely refused to let him give Jackie a hug, so he settled for showing relief in a different way. Marvin had actually been quiet this time. At a pause in JJ’s talking, he leaned forward and simply said, “I’m sorry.” The words were heavy, as was his expression; it was as if he knew exactly what that sympathetic phrase, usually said so briefly, without any true knowledge, was directed at. Jackie had started to cry again after hearing it.
Schneep arrived later that afternoon. The moment he stepped into the room, he began babbling explanations about how he’d gone to sleep early the night before and hadn’t seen Rama’s calls, and how when he saw what happened in the morning he’d tried to get off work so he could come see him sooner—eventually he ran out of steam and just collapsed on the hospital chair. Jackie had cried again, full-on sobbing this time, spluttering out phrases about how he’d thought Schneep had died that day he’d been taken. Schneep had used that moment to curse Distorter, then assured Jackie that the poison was entirely out of his system. Eventually, they both fell quiet. Schneep refused to leave for three more hours.
Eventually, the details of the situation were passed from Rama—who had been the one the hospital told, due to being Jackie’s spouse—to the group of friends. In short, Jackie’s condition was not good. The biggest problems were malnutrition and muscle weakness, followed shortly by infections from a few healing wounds, and the scar damage from wounds that had already healed. He’d need to stay in the hospital for a month more at least, and even after he was let out, he’d probably need to continue physical therapy. Everyone was happy to accommodate this. Rama visited the hospital nearly every day, and Schneep was in a close second. JJ would visit and brainstorm with Jackie about his plans for his next show, and Marvin brought a series of books that he would read out loud to Jackie stuck in bed.
The only one who didn’t show up again was Anti.
A week after Jackie being admitted into the hospital, this routine was interrupted while it was still being established. Schneep was visiting, telling Jackie about something that happened while he was at work, when the hospital door opened, and two strangers walked in. “Sorry, is this the room for Mr. Parker?” one asked.
Schneep glanced at Jackie, who nodded. “It is,” Schneep said. “Why? Who are you?”
“I’m so sorry to interrupt, but this is a fairly urgent matter,” the other stranger said. She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a badge. “My name is Detective Kikelomo, this is my partner, Detective Laurens.”
“I…see.” Schneep tried very hard to remain calm, though his face had immediately lost color. “What is this matter, then?”
“Are you Mr. Parker’s brother, sir?” Detective Laurens asked.
“Well, no—”
“Family, of any kind?”
Schneep chuckled. “Well, actually, no. It is just a coincidence, how we look.”
Detective Kikelomo frowned. “This might be—”
“Please let him stay,” Jackie suddenly said. The adjustable bed was in a sitting position today, but he was still leaning heavily back, still hooked up to an IV and a supply of oxygen.
The detectives looked at each other, then looked back. “Alright, if you insist, Mr. Parker,” Kikelomo said. She cleared her throat. “As we said, we are detectives, we’re with the MPD. We wanted to…talk to you. About a couple things.”
Jackie stared at them. “Like what?”
Kikelomo looked back at Laurens again, but Laurens just waved the floor back to her. She sighed. “Well, I suppose there’s no beating around the bush. Like what happened to you, Mr. Parker.”
“Doctor,” Jackie said.
“I’m…sorry?” Kikelomo looked back at the door, as if expecting someone to be there.
“It’s Dr. Parker. I’m a doctor. I have an MD,” Jackie explained, almost monotonously.
“Oh, I’m sorry!” Kikelomo hurried to say.
Next to her, Laurens ducked her head. The boys could barely hear her mutter, “How did we miss that?”
“Alright, Dr. Parker.” Kikelomo nodded firmly. “Well, we still need to talk about what happened. You…well, you were missing for nine months. We have a case open on you—or, we did, it was closed four months ago. And now that you’ve returned, it…” She paused, trying to think of a way to say this delicately. “…it’s clear that SOMETHING happened.”
Jackie, if possible, looked even paler than before. He didn’t say anything.
Laurens jumped in. “Obviously, you don’t have to say anything right now if you don’t want to,” she said. “But…well, our job is to keep people safe, and make sure justice is served. If you can tell us anything at all, that would be really helpful…in accomplishing those goals.”
Jackie stayed quiet. He looked down, and started playing with the remote to adjust the position of the hospital bed.
“I do not think you should be bringing this up right now,” Schneep said, glaring at the detectives.
“Of course, it doesn’t have to be taken care of right now,” Kikelomo backed off. “But, well…as soon as you’re able to talk, Dr. Parker. It’s important that we get this done. The sooner, the better.” She walked forward, and placed a small card on the table next to the bed. “This is my number. Feel free to call whenever.” She and Laurens headed towards the door. “We…we’ll be ready to hear from you, Dr. Parker. We wish you a speedy recovery.”
Once the two detectives were gone, Schneep snorted, and rolled his eyes. “Did they really think any of that official speak was going to work? Ah, well, at least they left you alone.” He looked at Jackie. “Are you okay?”
Jackie looked up at him. He smiled; it looked fragile, like it could break at any moment. “A little…shaken, but yeah. I just…don’t want to talk about…” he coughed. “What were you saying?”
“Are you sure?” Schneep pressed.
“Yeah, Volt. Just…not right now.” He coughed again. “Anyway, keep going, you were in the middle of something?”
Schneep did drop the subject, but he kept the incident in his mind.
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The hospital’s estimation was right; it was a month before Jackie was allowed to go home. A few days before he scheduled to be released, Rama called all of the group, asking each of them to show up at the house so they could welcome Jackie home. All of them agreed, though Anti had sounded strangely reluctant. Luckily the day was a weekend, so even though school had just started up, Will and Michelle would be there as well.
That day, all the boys were gathered in the living room of Jackie’s house. The kids were there as well, staring out the window. Rama had gone to pick up Jackie from the hospital, and now they were just waiting for them to return.
“This is going to be good, right?” JJ fretted. “I mean, I’m no doctor, but this is a good idea, right?”
“Jems, stop your worrywarting, it’ll do no good,” Marvin said, sitting on the couch. “If the doctors say so, t’en it is so. We jus’ have t’be careful.”
“Yes, exactly,” Schneep nodded firmly. “We should not push him to be okay. These things take time.”
Marvin nodded as well. “Exactly. Espec’ally after…everyt’ing t’at must’ve happened.” He went suddenly very quiet, shadows gathering in his eyes. “But don’ say he can’ do anyt’ing, t’at’s just adding insult to injuries.”
Anti, standing in the corner with his arms folded, didn’t say anything. He hadn’t said much at all, in fact.
Michelle suddenly started jumping up and down. “I see them! I see them!” She gasped. “They’re pulling in!”
Indeed, there was a car pulling into the driveway of the house, parking. JJ and Schneep hurried to look out the window as well. They watched as Rama stepped out of the driver’s-side door, then rounded the car to open the passenger’s side. They reached inside and helped Jackie step out. He stumbled for a moment, falling into Rama’s arms before recovering. Rama leaned over back into the car and grabbed a black cane from inside, handing it to Jackie.
A minute or so later, Rama pulled open the front door. “Home sweet home,” they said cheerfully.
Jackie poked his head inside. “Oh! It…it’s everyone.”
“Surprise, Daddy!” Michelle yelled. She ran up close, but stopped just before giving Jackie a hug, instead choosing to wave both hands furiously. “I made a banner! Do you like it?” The banner in question was several pieces of paper taped together to stretch across the fireplace, with “Welcome back Dad!” written on it in blue block letters that scrunched together at the end.
Jackie laughed. “I love it, sweetie.”
“Hi, Uncle Jackie,” Will said, smiling a bit shyly.
“Hello, Will. Wow, you’ve gotten taller.” He looked around at the others. “I see you’re all here, too.”
“Well, of course!” JJ said. “We couldn’t just not be here for a homecoming. Not the high school party, of course.”
“I’m jus’ glad t’ey let you change back into your clothes instead of keepin’ you in a gown,” Marvin muttered.
“Yeah, me too.” Jackie looked down at his T-shirt and jeans. His spare glasses were on his face, his first pair having been lost that day he disappeared. “I…I miss my hoodie, though.”
“Oh! Then you are going to love this!” Schneep bent over, and picked a pile of red cloth off the nearest chair. Holding it up, he revealed it was a hoodie. “You left it at my apartment that day! I’ve—I held onto it.” He smiled brightly.
Jackie’s eyes started watering; they’d been doing that a lot, lately. “Oh my god…” he whispered. He took a step forward, stumbled, then managed to cross the room. He took the hoodie and collapsed in the nearest chair. All he could do was run the familiar material through his hands. “Oh my god…th-thank you…”
“Is nothing,” Schneep said. “It is your hoodie, after all. I…I just kept it.”
Rama wiped at their eyes. “H-hey, I bought cake yesterday. Anyone want any?”
Everyone agreed that would be wonderful. Rama disappeared back into the kitchen, and reappeared with a stack of paper plates, some plastic forks, and a white cake box. The cake was custom, with a message on top saying “Welcome Home Jackie!” in red frosting.
“Wait, Jackie, can you actually have that?” JJ suddenly asked. “I thought there was a thing about you having solid foods.”
“There was,” Jackie confirmed. “But I passed that part. Besides, I don’t know if one slice of cake would be a problem.”
“Well, if you insist,” Marvin said, shrugging it off. “By the way, keep t’at close.” He pointed at Jackie’s black cane with his own. “’Tis startin’ to roll away. Y’don’ want t’at to happen.”
“Oh shi—shiitake mushrooms!” Jackie suddenly lunged to grab it. “Thanks, Marvin.”
Marvin grinned. “You’re welcome. It looks like we’re goin’ t’be buddies, huh? I can give you tips.”
“Only for a while,” Jackie said. “Georgia—she’s the physical therapist—said I’ll probably get past it. Thanks, though.”
“Are we going to eat cake or what?” Schneep asked.
“Shoot, I forgot the knife,” Rama cursed. “To cut it. Hang on, one second.” They disappeared back into the kitchen. When they reappeared, they were holding a small kitchen knife.
Jackie paled, shrinking back into his seat.
Luckily, Rama noticed. “Okay, here we go.” They cut the cake quickly. “Everyone come get a slice. Oh, looks like I forgot the spatula, too.” They once again returned to the kitchen, this time taking the knife with them. When they returned, the knife wasn’t there anymore. “Alright—hey stop trying to grab it with your hand, kids!” Rama waved Will and Michelle’s grabbing hands away. “That’s unsanitary.”
“Un-san-it-ary,” Michelle repeated, testing out the new word. Then she suddenly gasped. “Ren, are we going to have cake for my birthday or not because of this?!”
Rama chuckled. “Of course we’re having cake, if you want to. November is still two months away, after all.”
“Yay!” Michelle clapped her hands, waiting patiently this time for her slice of cake.
Everyone soon received a slice of cake, except for… “Dad, do you want any?” Will asked.
Anti, having not moved from his spot in the corner, smiled at Will. “Not right now, kid. Maybe later.”
“Are you sure, Anti?” JJ asked. “We have plenty.”
“I’m sure.” Anti leaned back against the wall, and said nothing more.
For a few moments, everyone talked and chatted about recent events in life. Rama talked about getting their latest story published in a book of short crime fiction stories. This prompted a short discussion about jobs, during which Schneep cursed out his new manager at the coffee shop, and Marvin countered by praising his boss at the bookstore. Will and Michelle answered some questions about how the new term was going before demanding to see some of JJ’s magic tricks. JJ obliged, of course, showing off a few quick conjurings.
About fifteen minutes later, Jackie pushed away his plate with his half-eaten cake. Without saying anything, he grabbed his new cane and pushed to his feet. Of course everyone noticed this, but Jackie just smiled. “Calm down, everyone, I’m just getting some water,” he said.
“Ah, I should’ve brought drinks,” Rama said, snapping their fingers. “I can go get some, if anyone else wants anything.”
“Just give me a moment to get mine,” Jackie said, starting to walk across the room. “Okay?”
“Alright, if you’re sure, Jackieboy.”
Jackie flashed a smile, then disappeared into the kitchen.
Anti narrowed his eyes. He finally moved from his spot, heading towards the hallway that led deeper into the house. “I’m going to the bathroom,” he said, not bothering to listen to anything anyone else said.
He didn’t actually head to the bathroom. Instead, he turned at the last minute, instead disappearing into the kitchen as well when nobody was looking. And when he walked into that room, he was met by the sight of Jackie, leaning against the counter and holding a knife in one hand.
“Fuck!” Anti lunged forward. “Jackie, no!”
“An—! What are you—?!” Jackie gasped, eyes wide.
Anti was right in front of him in seconds. “Give that to me!” He grabbed Jackie’s wrist and tried to pry his fingers away from the knife handle.
“No!” Jackie grabbed the knife with his other hand, now holding it in a two-handed grip. He jabbed his elbow at Anti, hitting a spot just below his eye and causing him to back out. “I-I need to do this!”
“You don’t!” Anti shook his head, and lunged again. “Trust me, you never need to do this!”
In the brief tangle that followed, the two of them ended up falling to the floor. Tears sprang to Jackie’s eyes as he hit his head on the handle of a drawer, and he let them flow. “Anti, shut up!” He suddenly shrieked. His hands were shaking, but he refused to let go of the knife. “Just let me do this! Please!”
“Like hell I’m going to let you do this!” Anti snarled. “Give it here!”
“No!” Jackie kicked at him. The blow landed, but Anti just flinched, and kept reaching for the knife that Jackie was holding as far away from his as possible. “S-stop! Get away! Leave me alone! Leave me alone Dis—” Jackie suddenly cut himself off. His eyes were wide, and suddenly he began breathing much faster.
Anti finally drew back. “Jackie,” he said, shocked. “Jackie, I’m not him.”
The tears were staining Jackie’s face. “I-I kn-know, I kn-know, I know, I know I know I know—” He shook his head, gasping for air. “I know I know I know—”
“Hey, hey, calm down.” Anti held his hands in the air. “Deep breaths, you know? You know the 4-7-8 thing? Can you do that?”
Jackie didn’t react much, staring blankly forward. Slowly, he lowered the knife closer.
“Hey stop!” Anti grabbed Jackie’s wrist again. “Jackie, please, this won’t help you, trust me. Just put it down.”
Jackie let out a sob. “I n-n-need to get rid of it.”
“Look, it seems bad, but this is temporary. There are more things you can do beyond this.” Anti tried to keep his voice reassuring.
“No!” Jackie suddenly twisted his wrist, yanking at the same time with surprising force. Anti, startled, let go. “I-it needs to be shorter!”
That threw Anti off. He backed up. He’d been practically pinning Jackie to the cabinet behind him, and now he gave him more room to breathe. “…What needs to be shorter?”
“This!” Jackie reached up and yanked on his hair. Then he yelped, and threw his hand away. “I-I can’t, I can’t, can’t can’t, I-I-I-I—let me cut it, please—”
“Oh my—holy shit, Jackie.” Anti exhaled slowly. “You…you couldn’t just say that from the start? I-I thought you were going to…you couldn’t have just jumped in with that?”
“Please just let me do it,” Jackie pleaded, shaking his head. “I can’t, I can’t, I—” He suddenly slammed his head against the cabinet door. Anti yelped, and pulled him away from it. “D-don’t pull it a-anymore, please,” Jackie sobbed. “Please, Dis—I-I can’t do it, leave it alone—”
“Jackie, listen,” Anti said sternly. “I’m not Distorter. It’s me, Anti. I’m here.”
Jackie looked up at him with wet eyes. “Y-you always make them too nice, that’s what gives it away. Then they t-turn on me. I-It’s not real—!”
“Of course it’s real!” Anti said, shocked. “What do you want me to say? How can I prove to you—drop the knife!” He suddenly grabbed Jackie’s wrist again, which was in the process of moving the knife closer. “Please, I-I don’t want you to hurt yourself. By accident, either.” He listened to the sounds coming from the living room. Nobody seemed alarmed. Should he risk yelling for help and upsetting Jackie further?
Jackie’s breathing was hitching, his eyes wide. “Just let me have this. P-please.”
“Jackie, please put it down,” Anti pleaded. “I-I can’t trust you like this. It’s me. It’s Anti.” He blinked back sudden wetness in his eyes. “I’m…I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you.” His voice cracked. “I just—I got too close.”
For a moment, the two of them just stared at each other. Then suddenly, Jackie let go of the knife, letting it clatter to the kitchen floor. He lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Anti. His shoulder shook with sobs. Anti stiffened, then hugged him back in return. A single tear escaped.
“I-I just want it gone,” Jackie said through his cries. “I want it g-gone. I-I’ll grow it back when I’m okay again.”
“Of course, of course.” Anti rubbed circles on Jackie’s back. “But you can’t have a knife right now. I thought you were going to…to hurt yourself. On purpose.” He paused. “Jackie, promise me you’ll never do that.”
Jackie shook his head. “I…I wouldn’t do—”
“I know you wouldn’t, but promise me anyway,” Anti insisted. “And remember that you promised.”
Silence for a moment, except for a few more sobs. “I…promise.”
“That’s great, that’s great,” Anti said reassuringly.
Jackie cried for a bit longer. “Do you…mean that? When you said you’re sorry you d-didn’t see me?”
Anti swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yes. I am so…so sorry, Jackie. I just…” He took a deep breath. “Like I said, I got too close. It—it freaked me out. But fuck that, I’m going to be here now. For you.”
“Th…thank you,” Jackie rasped. His fingers curled into Anti’s jacket, holding tight.
Suddenly, footsteps behind them. And a gasp. Anti turned around to see Rama standing in the kitchen doorway. “…Jackie?” They asked. “Anti?”
Jackie suddenly started crying harder. He reached out, towards Rama, who immediately closed the distance, kneeling on the kitchen floor beside the other two. Jackie pulled them close. “He made me think you were dead…” Jackie whispered. “And Michelle, too. I saw it…”
“I’m right here, Jackieboy,” Rama said gently. “We all are.”
They stayed there for a while more, before Anti and Rama helped Jackie stand up and walk back to the living room. He was still sobbing, red-eyed and tears pouring. The others instantly latched onto it, and soon Jackie was at the center of a large group hug.
“It’s going to be okay.”
“We are here for you when you need us.”
“An’ we’re not goin’ anywhere.”
The gathering came to an end soon after that. Jackie had cried his eyes out, and now he just wanted to go to sleep. So they let him, settling down in his own bed. And they dispersed, going back to their own houses and lives.
And that night, Anti stared out of his apartment window, looking up at the few stars visible. Thinking.