Just because you used up your time and energy inefficiently doesn't mean you have to keep doing it. Idiot. Sometimes I wonder who really is the captain of this boat. The monkey is very powerful, but so is the editor.

I'm waiting for something to happen. I should be able to wake up from all this. But it's too much pressure on a single event, methinks. If it comes, it better be worth it. Now I'm being demanding. Identity politics has ruined me. Identity and politics are bad enough on their own.

I think I'm pretty satisfied right now. No, that's what I feel. And... now that feeling is escaping. That's fine. Either death comes or I'll love life, if only for a moment. No need for dipping back into the middling reservoir of unnamed anxieties. It's useful sometimes though.

Am I being too mean or too nice to the reader? I don't know. Anyways... I think I'll go to sleep.