Yea, I easily fall for thoses crocs/gators...

I said in my last A Story post that I was an actor when I was a teenager and through it, I built a mask so convincing that I didn't realize it was a mask until a couple of months ago.

I learned how to be gruff through a Shakespeare update (I think it was Twelfth Night), vulnerable from Andy in Juvie, how to blend in like Sonny from grease, be smart like Dr Van Helsing in Dracula: The Musical? And seethe with rage in Entombed, a play written by my then drama teacher. I was in or involved in productions for years, absorbing characters.

I think about that when I hear Morgana say "You got a new mask, Joker!" In Persona 5 Royal. I wore them all for years. When I eventually joined in the furry/monster community, I built characters out of my ideal self: happy, fun, easy to be friends with. I wanted to be everyone's friend. I committed myself to being my characters because they were helping me navigate bipolar, being newly single and not remembering myself, and getting older.

I was thinking tonight about creating a character to help me navigate autism and the sheer autistic burnout I've been feeling while my ADHD is pulling me to do something, anything. I have everything to do things but ideas. Maybe creating an imaginary friend who knows what he's doing Isn't a bad idea. I don't have to be him. I just need to find his voice and listen.