The fifth verse in The Chordettes' Mr Sandman, when the Sandman actually replies back.

Lying is easier when you feel justified not to tell the other you are speaking to the truth. It feels easier the less you respect them, and its much easier to do it smoothly if there is some truth mixed in.

The act of deception is useful in situations where the truth is dangerous to your situation and a mask us required, or when the entity you are conversing with cannot be trusted with the facts.

I have become a practiced liar by spending extremely large portions of my life living with people who conspire to keep me down, living in a box that i dont fit into, punishing me when i try to give them the truth they request. Ive learned to lie as easy as breathing and that makes it hard to form relationships because i have to ensure what im telling those i care about isnt part of my mask, because lying feels like an act of survival.

If i tell you something about myself unprompted, it is the truth. If you ask a question and i seem loathe to answer, but do anyway its the truth. If i refuse to answer a question its because i dont want to reveal the answer.... Yet.

This Friday, I will finally be free of a project that has been haunting me since September. I worked through four entire holidays on this video (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years). The range of emotional toll this took on me was unlike anything I've ever felt.

...and this post was going to briefly touch on that, but then almost four pages of text fell out of me, so I think I'll save that for after the video comes out and share it in some other capacity.

So stay tuned for that, and for this video.

First two books of the year (In progress!)

Wintering is a treat I stumbled on while listening to a podcast recommended to me by someone on my support team. Upon hearing the title, I expected a work centered around Winter's place as a season of reflection & rest, something many of us living more modern lifestyles have grown detached from. While certainly a part of the experience, May's book is also about weathering the colder, slower seasons in the cycles of our lives as well, which may strike at any time during the year and often come on suddenly.

I find myself in a constant struggle when it comes to going with the flow of the seasons - be they in nature or my personal life cycle - when they mean slowing down. I embrace the fast-paced, the electrified, the inspired moments of purpose and forward movement. Stop signs and quicksand and other progress blocks tend to just piss me off. I often call these periods "Hanged Man Moments" due to the fact this tarot card naturally flies out at me all the time when I'm resisting the slowdown and trying to push myself. Logically, I know these periods serve a very important, vital purpose and they must be respected and given in to. However, I am also human, patience is not my strongest suit, and call me a cargo hold; because I have all sorts of baggage!

Needless to say, this is a good subject for me to explore and meditate on until the message sticks better. As a bonus, Wintering is poetically written so far and relatable enough. Especially as, it turns out, Katherine May is also autistic; something I wasn't aware of until I went to look at the book on Goodreads right before I started reading.

As for Sigil Witchery, I don't have as much to say yet. It's a bit more of a straightforward, practical read, and I'm not as far into it. What I can say is it's been on my list for a while, and the first chapter holds some fascinating information about symbols and sigils of various cultures and their history and evolution. When it comes to Sigils, I've typically used the chaos magick method of writing out a short sentence and crossing out letters, with a little bit more flair here and there as my intuition guided me. Zakroff makes it clear from the start that while she finds that method fine, it is not her own. I always like reading about the magical processes of others, whether I adopt any of their methods or not - but I am also excited to try something new myself.