I think of myself as fairly restrained in my tastes and imagined I would find Rolexes silly, like Khloe Kardashian's velvet-wrapped Range Rover, or Waterford crystal glasses, or $200 Napa Cabernets that just taste like really expensive grape jelly. But I was still intimidated at the idea of trying one on. It seemed like I would have to get rich or famous first. I felt like I needed some kind of ticket, like I would walk into the Rolex dealer and a siren would go off, and my monthly income would start flashing at me like one of those signs on the side of the road that shows you how fast you're driving.

So I dressed carefully. I wanted to look really rich, but still look like myself. The way that I managed this, or at least managed it in my mind, was to wear jeans, a black velvet blazer, my Trillbilly Worker Party T-shirt, and Fiorentino and Baker boots that I got used for $80 and that have a 3 ½ inch heel. I also wore makeup (mascara) and an enormous vintage cocktail ring, and carried a Mulberry bag which I got used for $125. I also wore a wedding ring, which, when a Modern Lady goes to the suburbs, I have found to be indispensable.

bad brooklyn accent mandatory

😱

bad brooklyn accent mandatory