[Film opens. Establishing shot of an island. Mournful music plays. We pan into a cave. A man emerges from the bed of a beautiful goddess. He clothes himself, walks out onto the beach, sits upon the sand and begins to weep.]

[Needle drop. Freeze frame.]

Voiceover: So that's me. Odysseus the Cunning, son of Laertes, hero of Troy. You're probably wondering how I found myself in this situation