Happy Ace Day to all my lovely ace friends :D

I'm not ace, myself. At least, I dont think I am... in the past year or so I've kinda realized how freaking gross sex actually is, and I've actively started avoiding it cause it's been setting off my germophobia something fierce. Does that make me ace? Someone might say I'm gray ace or some other some sort, but look. I've already gone through two Queer Introspective Awakenings in my life, I dunno if I wanna go through the hassle of another.

But either way, happy day to all my friends lol

https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/acexistential-lilaeleaf/
Being asexual doesn't mean being alone forever, Lilaeleaf explains in their comic. There is so much love to give and receive and feel! She finds beauty and intimacy in their own way.

Be our Friend With Benefits on https://www.patreon.com/OhJoySexToy for exclusive comics and posts that aren’t available publicly! Your support directly pays the artists we commission to create these original comics just for our site.

Sometimes I get the feeling I just want to let the water take me, let it's depths consume me. Just float in the void. A moment of stillness in a turbulent world.

Under the overwhelming demand to take a functioning role in society, or to just create means to have a comfortable life while working with art, the pressure to keep creating - or the right word would be "producing" instead - Like an assembly line, for fast content, for more views, more sales. The transformation of any creation or expression into products and consequently the sensation of being totally striped away from the original meaning to create in the first place.

But still the urge to create refuses to vanish, like a last strand of something that just can't give up... if so I also cease to be.
I plunge into the water, searching for it, for its meaning again.

I am currently running on too much coffee and not enough sleep so I'm asking myself introspective questions:

Do I have a sense of self?

Do I know what I really want?

Why am I afraid to do things outside the norm?

If I do not do now when will I?

Why am I all too willing to see myself as a failure?

Am I really beyond saving or am I just too negative?

Are there anymore chances for me or have they all passed me by?

Will I ever feel like I fit in anywhere?

Maybe this will all make sense after I get some rest. On the other hand I might think this is dumb and delete this later. Dunno.