https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/acexistential-lilaeleaf/
Being asexual doesn't mean being alone forever, Lilaeleaf explains in their comic. There is so much love to give and receive and feel! She finds beauty and intimacy in their own way.
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Sometimes I get the feeling I just want to let the water take me, let it's depths consume me. Just float in the void. A moment of stillness in a turbulent world.
Under the overwhelming demand to take a functioning role in society, or to just create means to have a comfortable life while working with art, the pressure to keep creating - or the right word would be "producing" instead - Like an assembly line, for fast content, for more views, more sales. The transformation of any creation or expression into products and consequently the sensation of being totally striped away from the original meaning to create in the first place.
But still the urge to create refuses to vanish, like a last strand of something that just can't give up... if so I also cease to be.
I plunge into the water, searching for it, for its meaning again.
I am currently running on too much coffee and not enough sleep so I'm asking myself introspective questions:
Do I have a sense of self?
Do I know what I really want?
Why am I afraid to do things outside the norm?
If I do not do now when will I?
Why am I all too willing to see myself as a failure?
Am I really beyond saving or am I just too negative?
Are there anymore chances for me or have they all passed me by?
Will I ever feel like I fit in anywhere?
Maybe this will all make sense after I get some rest. On the other hand I might think this is dumb and delete this later. Dunno.
A pair of unlikely encounters, one on the street and one later in the candy isle of the corner store, gave me a lot to think about as I reflected on the place I have in the lives of other people. Ultimately, it was kind of nice to see myself this way.
