i got way too philosophical and started writing a long post about how i NEED to start wanting things more for my own (mental) wellbeing. couldn't quite finish it before bed, but basically i grew up to be a goddamn miser (to a needless extent) who "doesn't want anything" and always settles for less, and need to shift from just thinking "it'd be nice to have a ceiling lamp in that empty socket", to recognizing that "i want a ceiling lamp in that empty socket" and acting upon that desire.

being stingy with essentials won't make me happy.