had sort of the world's most pathetic bad week this past week, in the sense that everything was actually Fine (in some ways unusually good! I got to WFH all week last week because of the cold, which is simply unheard of at my job) but also have been feeling super down lately. might just be that we're at that point of winter now (also maybe being stuck at home all week wasn't doing the greatest of things to my brain).
for sure did not help that I had to have one of those tough, "hey, you're great and I like you a lot but I don't think we're a long-term romantic match" conversations last week and the other person did... not respond very well. I know it's a totally normal situation, and I'm actually really proud of myself for being upfront and communicating clearly and quickly, but it's still been weighing heavily on me with a mixture of guilt and regret. deep down I know I did the right thing but it has been hard having the smallest taste of beautiful human connection and intimacy only to know it's not with the right person for you. part of me feels like yelling at the universe, "hey! I did the hard thing! I'm a mature adult and a good communicator and a good fucking partner and I'm ready to fall in love together with someone wonderful and beautiful and talented and wise... so why aren't you bringing that person to me????"