it's not my first takeaway from the game, nor is it my second, but A Takeaway I have taken from In Stars and Time is that I should not be shy about pouring the trauma sauce onto my OCs

that being said, I am still like... trying to put a finger on how SGE!Lucent's brain works wrt events that most people would consider traumatizing.

there are some "no shit that's traumatizing" things like being basically kicked out of his village at puberty, that have fucked him up as much as one would expect; and then there are things like "nearly died a slow and painful death from miscalculating a Body Modification Self-Experiment" where he's just like "huh. that was fun, actually. let's do that again!!" there are things that do fuck him up, like losing a patient he tried his damned best to save, but he recovers faster than many other people would and doesn't linger upon guilt or regret - he did his best with the knowledge he had and that was enough. it was the effort, the fight, that mattered.

I think the things that tend to be most traumatizing for him all involve isolation, confinement, and helplessness. as long as he's not alone with his thoughts, with the sensation of his flesh prison dying all around him, he's fine. as long as he can keep going, he's fine. as long as there's something, anything he can do, he's fine. he's fine he's fine he's fine

also I say that Lucent doesn't do guilt/shame/regret but I think they might actually just manifest differently for him

he fucked up when treating a patient and it might cost them their life. his mentor did horrific things and he might have unwittingly assisted in that research. it sucks, but he did his best with the knowledge he had at the time. regrets won't help. hating himself won't help. the river of knowledge only flows forward.

he just... needs to take responsibility. needs to do better, be better, so he can fix his fuckups, so he can fix his mentor's fuckups, so he can keep these fuckups from happening again, so he can make it all better. he knows he can do this, he knows. he's smart, skilled, and capable, so he just needs to keep going forward. as long as he can keep going forward, he's fine. he's fine he's fine he's fine--

(Savoulain, taking one of Lucent's wildly gesturing hands in his. pulling him into a hug. making him some soothing herbal tea. reminding him to sleep. tomorrow, they can talk about this. tomorrow.)

feeling totally normal about the way the techne makre (sage lb3) animation ends

it's sage animation appreciation hours again