Enough of cards. Enough of dice. Enough entrails, enough dust, enough flailing desperately in the dark scouring for the future. I present to you a better solution for a modern age: Fatomancy. Implore the cosmic disks, and bring true order from chaos.

Any question about the future and your space in it will do. Broad, deep questions are recommended, ones that may look at the upcoming days, if not years, if not decades, of your life. Fatomancy will show you that path from the moment the reading ends to the moment your query no longer has any hold over youu. While Fatomancy is primarily used for insights into the path you will walk, you may instead ask a question about the past instead, and the reading will show you the path you have walked, from now to the moment you began at some point in your past.

A small warning: Fatomancy is a very intense method of divination, for both querent and reader. Please make a committment to spend several hours in pursuit of knowledge and nothing else. Additionally, it is best to wait at least six months between readings, else the divine space may be too ordered to properly explore your futurespace, and may result in undue stress to the reader, impacting future readings as well.

Are you ready? The instructions to the future lie below.

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1. Press the POWER button on the front of your Compaq Presario 5460.

2. Meditate deeply on your query as Windows 95 completes its boot. End your meditation when you hear the chimes.

3. Click the START button in the lower left of your screen, and select Programs>Accessories>System Tools>Disk Defragmenter.

(Important: your divination requires full attention and participation not just from the querent but the reader as well! Do not run any additional programs or applications during the reading, else the answer you may receive may be corrupted.)

4. When prompted, select the C: drive to be defragmented. WARNING: while it may be possible to query other drives, they are notoriously reticent and destructive when approached without the proper deference. Only advanced fatomancers who know exactly what they are doing should select a different drive.

5. Optional: For a shorter but less thorough read, you may click the Advanced button and select either "Defragment Files Only" or "Consolidate Free Space Only". Error-checking is highly recommended to keep checked.

6. Click the Start button on the dialog menu (not the one in the lower left corner!), and then click Show Details. You should see a screen similar to the one below. The reading has begun. ![The Windows 95 and Symantec Disk Defragmenter!](https://staging.cohostcdn.org/attachment/5568848b-33b1-435c-850d-fa1ece531a22/Screenshot%20from%202024-06-02%2011-57-43.png)

Now, tare closely at the monitor screen for the next few minutes to several hours. depending on the size and usage of your hard drive. Listen deeply to the clunks and whirrs of the drive head as cosmic data is sifted through, rearranged, bringing order to chaos. The divination is to be interpreted as follows:

In general, the deeper into the reading the further away the future events. The first few minutes of defragmentation are immediate, the last few minutes represent the last points of time where the events you have queried still affect you. The point where the reading ends may represent a few hours from now, a few years from now, or possibly ages after your death.

First, light blue blocks turning into dark blue blocks without being moved from their current position indicate a normal state of affairs. The more often this happens, the more your future will unfold as you may expect. No sudden swerves or complications, what you have experienced before will continue.

Second, light blue blocks being pulled into the path of the organizing reader before they would normally be reached represent a form of growth, a positive rearranging of life. The more often it happens, the more intense the growth. Expect some level of boon, whether from the inner world of your own self-knowledge as you gain wisdom and the power to utilize that wisdom, or from the outer world aligning with you in times of need or want.

Third, a white block with a red square in the upper right corner represents a difficulty on your path. If the blocks are successfully integrated into the defragmentation, then the difficulty will be successfully overcome, and you will move forward! Be warned that this success may still come with a cost. If the block is not integrated into the defragmentation, then it will remain with you for some time. You will have to learn to live and cope with it, and accept that it cannot be changed.

Fourth: Large patches of white represent unknown spaces. The larger, the harder it is to divine through them. During these times, you will need to be open to experiences new and old, be willing to interrogate the unconscious secrets and assumptions embedded within your query, and drink deep of the delta of life. Remember, those empty spaces will be filled by blocks further in the read! This is an opportunity to grow in ways you may not expect.

Fifth: A black square represents the influence of the distant future on your path. Expectations, fears, the things outside of your control. The more often these appear, the more you should look ahead and make plans, resolve yourself for the unexpected, and know that someday you will encounter these moments again, and whether that is for good or ill depends on what you do in this early moment.

Sixth: A grayish-blue box represents an inflection point in your path, a point from which so much changes, a point you cannot return from. Once you see these boxes, you likely will no longer see any new light blue boxes you had grown comfortable with on your path. The present inevitably becomes the past, and your work and self must change with these new moments. But don't fear, for you have learned much through your life, and what is new can be understood through the knowledge you've cultivated.

Seventh: If you do yet see new light blue boxes after a long patch of the grayish boxes, then the inflection is complete, and the path you are used to has returned, almost as if nothing has changed. But remember that you have changed on this journey and what is being asked of you is integration: the merger of old and new. You must synthesize what you have learned, what you have experienced, and what is still to come. This is often the greatest challenge of the path, as it may be easy to not realize it has even occured, and the connection often appears so late into the future that you may have grown tired, and inadvertently choose comfort over the true completion of the path. Remember, the path is inside you!

Eighth: Boxes with a red slash within them must not be looked upon under any circumstances. While they are on screen, avert your eyes, and think not about them and what they could mean. The reading during these points are a mystery, and be thankful for that mystery.

Advanced diviners, ones with sharp eye and strong dedication, may also observe the nature of the read-write mechanism. Its speed will differ throughout the reading, and may indicate how you will experience the passing of time. If it moves more quickly so will you, if it moves more slowly you will too. You may also observe the way in which data is redistributed: usually a short line of boxes will be read and then written, followed by another short line after that, and so on. Sometimes the reader and writer will behave differently, such as placing a staggered dotted line of boxes separated by white space before completing the defragmentation process. Moments like these suggest that ingenuity and craftiness will be required as you walk the path. Will you be prepared for them?

Once the reading is done, take a moment to reflect. Scroll up and down the message to you, and take it in one last time. Make connections, make maps, make a tree of possibilities, and then close the defragmenter program. Close your eyes, let yourself return to the normality of Windows 95, and begin to walk your path.

#shitchosting

also: #shitpost, #shitposting, #shitchost, #shitposts

As an NJ Expat I really feel this, this month.

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