by far the best thing about the computer in my pocket masquerading as a phone is that the phone bit doesn't work

this is actually 100% my favourite feature. under no circumstances will i permit someone to connect to me telephonically on this gizmo.

Me, enlightened: my boywife is so poggers!
You, foolish: none of these words are in the Bible

Matthew 28:5-6: "The angel said to the women, 'Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.'”

take that atheists

that's a translation though

none of those words are in the bible. speak in hebrew now

• I am a genius
• I can differentiate any function in my head
• Liquid nitrogen is incapable of harming me
• I love women more than anyone within 3 miles of me
• I can eat cigarettes to replenish my stamina
• MatPat was right about every theory he ever made
• I am capable of performing photosynthesis whenever I wish
• I have better music taste than everyone, except the musicians I listen to
• I can lick road signs with no consequences
• I will eat icicles for breakfast in a manner similar to how I consume carrots
• penis