imagining TF2 Spy accidentally cussing in the wrong merc's language when he realizes he's about to die. like he sees that he's about to step on a bunch of sticky bombs, and in a bad Medic imitation, he deadpans "Scheisse." (KABOOM)
Or like he goes to put a sapper on a sentry and the Engineer points the shotgun in his face, and in a sort of Sniper tone he says, "(terrible fake Australian accent) Bugger." (BLAM)
Featuring, from left to right (these are Twitter tags):
@HamsterGabe @coffeemug34 @greybigfoot @MrShadowLugia @Kyez0ar @Walpinsta
yea so like, how incredibly terrifying are the mercs tf2 as entities? let's make a huge goddamn list. not exhaustive obviously
assuming all actions which the characters can perform in game, with in-game taunts or weapons or baked-in skills they have, is a canon ability of each character (except where clearly-assisted):
all
- all of the tf2 mercs access hammerspace so easily as to treat it like a toy
- all of the tf2 mercs have been physically enhanced by medic to allow him to make them impervious at will
scout
- scout becomes impervious on contact with significant alpha decay radiation, theoretically gaining eternity if dunked in a nuclear reactor for a few minutes
- scout possesses the gift of arbitrary momentous redirection of his own mass, with complete nullification of previous momentum
- scout can access eternity and grant it upon others with his Jar Of Man Stuff
- scout can, through the act of slaughter, gain incredible speed
heavy
- heavy can, through the act of slaughter, gain incredible speed, but finds this difficult
- heavy can summon an unstoppable and impercievable projectile causing instant death to any life on contact
- heavy is granted eternity through consumption
- heavy can force a victim to instantly lose all control of their actions for multiple seconds
- heavy can divert his own living energy to motion
- heavy is unusually impervious to transfer of momentum into his own mass
sniper
- sniper possesses a machine affinity with firearms
- sniper can absorb the souls of his victims to enhance his connection with firearms
demoman
- demoman can absorb the souls of his victims, and through this gains incredible power and speed, as well as eternity, but he must consume regularly, lest he be weakened
- demoman possesses the gift of incredible motion unassisted
- demoman possesses access to a piece of weaponry which allows him eternity, as well as the ability to immediately end the eternity of another carrier of this piece of weaponry
soldier
- soldier possesses the same piece of weaponry allowing eternity-with-risk as demoman
- soldier bears the curse of true eternity through respawn, and can strategically die (something he does frequently)
- soldier possesses a machine affinity with firearms and can bestow enhancement upon them
- soldier indirectly feeds on surrounding death and destruction, and can direct energy from this through his machine affinity to enhance the already-incredible power of his allies
- soldier can become nearly-impervious, selectively, to the transfer of momentum, gaining the ability of semi-arbitrary momentous redirection of his own mass, with partial nullification of previous momentum should he wish so
- soldier can severely improve the speed of his allies at will
- soldier possesses an affinity with the concept of the explosion, and can cause enemies recently affected by the force of explosion to experience increased vulnerability, as well as power his own enhancements through affecting himself with the force of explosion, and imbue weaponry with this ability which can be utilized by other entities
pyro
- pyro can utilize weaponry which the soldier has imbued with the ability to cause vulnerability on recent victims of the force of explosion
- pyro can summon a cataclysm on demand, and selectively vary its size
- pyro can conjure the kamehameha wave
- pyro gains eternity through electrical charge, though becomes vulnerable when charging
- pyro can cast fireball
- pyro can absorb the power of flame and use this to demonstrate incredible energy on any location at any time
- pyro can absorb the power of flame to gain eternity
- pyro can make damaging energy propagate through energetic links intended to bestow eternity, likely being able to murk god and possibly that nuke-dunked scout
- pyro can exist simultaneously in a plurality of realms, and create trinkets which force wearers to join them
- pyro is impervious to the damaging energy of the flame, likely absorbing the energy intended to harm them to either gain eternity or demonstrate damage
- pyro can become impervious on-demand, though only for a short period
- pyro can imbue their weapons with a force which causes all life currently affected by the flame to experience an incredible increase of damaging energy applied
- pyro can nullify imperviousness bestowed on medic's allies
- pyro can, through the act of slaughter, gain incredible speed
spy
- spy can, through the act of slaughter, gain incredible speed, and finds this act significantly easier than the pyro
- spy can gain eternity through instantaneous complete absorption of a victim's living energy, though unlike the demoman and sniper cannot absorb their souls
- spy can ignore universal barriers governing benefits bestowed upon allies and collect enhancement, imperviousness, and eternity intended for the allies of his enemy
medic
- medic is a mad immortal and has not displayed the true depth of his horror in-game as of yet. however, peer upon the comics for further reaches of his extent.
- medic possesses eternity unassisted
- medic, through feats of ingenuity, can become impervious on-demand
- medic can bestow eternity upon his allies unassisted
- medic possesses the skill to create tools for bestowing eternity, imperviousness, and incredible enhancement, to any ally he wishes
Engineer Gaming (Engineer Gaming)
- Dell Conagher is good at guitar
the fact that engineer oppresses these incredible entities, let alone is particularly frightening to the pyro, is a testament to his ingenuity. thank u 4 reading. pls draw tf2 fanart of pyro eating the sun n then using that energy 2 slaughter scout after he gained immortality pls pls.
