becoming so touch starved that I've become touch averse and don't realize it yet

yearning for the warmth of a fellow lesbian tonight. I think we're touch averse autistic because we've never had human touch be a thing our whole lives. I'd love to experience touch though, run my hands across a partner's neck and shoulders, their hair, caress their face with the back of my hand. it'd be a nice change of pace instead of being alone every night.

well mostly Julia, I'm here to try and mitigate that pain but being plural's not the same as having friends. Julia's always a sad wolf because she does not live in groups with friends nor can she remember what human touch feel like so when the distractions wear off she breaks down just a little. or a lot, varies by night I suppose.

the shitty thing about depression and anxiety is she would try and contact online friends more but she thinks one friend hates her, she knows others have moved on, she knows her girlfriend can take days to answer, her father's worthless as a source of anything except cash, she knows another friend who also struggles a lot she can't help, other people she wants to talk to more but doesn't know what to say and thinks she'd be bothering them, the usual. I'm not at that point of despair, which I guess is good because I can be the emotional reset, but damn it I don't know how to help her either beyond that. I'll keep the distractions going.

wolves after a long day of work wanna just eep and curl up around their loved ones