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#yes i know posting this will make the problem worse

cass
@cass

HOW TO DISABLE NOTIFICATIONS ON COHOST: A GUIDE

Has this ever been you? a black man in a plain white shirt standing in front of an urban park of some sort. he's got an everyman sort of look to him.

I just hate having usable notifications. Even if I disable them in settings, I can still click on them to see if someone liked my posts! It's just too easy and makes too much sense! I wish someone had a method to ensure my notifications were never usable under any circumstances.

-Brian, 22




We've all been there, Brian. Luckily, we have a SOLUTION! This easy three step process can turn this: a picture of cohost notifications. there is only one notification.

into THIS!

this time there are 99+ notifications.

STEP ONE:
-Get some followers! This can be accomplished by posting a CSS crime, or by just throwing yourself against the wall until something sticks. At least twenty should suffice, but for optimal results get yourself somewhere in the low hundreds.
STEP TWO:
-Post EGG BUG. :eggbug: Posting EGG BUG :eggbug:is an easy way to effectively get a ridiculous number of likes and shares.
STEP THREE:
That's it! You're done! If you've followed steps one and two properly, your notifications should look something like this: a picture of the actual notifications screen on cohost. there are so fucking many

And voilà! Broken Notifications!
If you're really lucky, your notifications will even stop loading after awhile-- making them impossible to check! Good luck with breaking your own notifications!

but really i've gotten like several hundred in the past twelve hours. staff i know you're busy and i understand redesigning notifications is difficult but PLEASE. i beg you. stack notifications together. i am in endless anguish. thanks <3