red lez

five years ago my brilliant, funny, gorgeous, insanely talented wife (jkap) came to me and said that they wanted to do something else. that the mainstream industry was killing them, but that they had been talking to a friend lately, and that they and said friend (colin) had an idea. they were going to leave their jobs and build a company together, sustaining themselves off their savings to start off with. i told them i wanted to support them, because i believed in it, and i meant it.

we weren't even married, then. we got married a couple months later. we invited about a dozen close friends and family to disneyland in california, bought them all tickets, hopped on a raft to tom sawyer island, parked up on an area of the island where the kids don't hang out and where there were a couple benches and a nice view, and we got married. jae's mom officiated. it was beautiful, it was cheap, and it was ours. we exchanged birthstone matching copies of pokemon to each other--i gave them a pokemon sapphire cart, and they gave me a pokemon emerald cart. and then we went home, and jae kept working on the plan.

their idea, notably, was not cohost. it was something else. but the root of that idea was to build a product for creators that was different from the rest of the tech industry's products, by means of building a company that was different from other tech companies. in march of 2020, the rest of the world learned some of that vision in the form of the antisoftware manifesto, a document which i still feel so blessed to have contributed to in any way, shape, or form.

covid became a pandemic, aidan came into the picture, we moved across the country, the product vision changed a couple times, and yet they kept working. eventually, they built what they thought was a better vision for an online shared community space, and it's the best community i've ever been a part of on the internet. it was built by 3, later 4, incredibly hard working people, who devoted massive chunks of their life to building something safe, something different, something funny, and something for people to make and share shit, not something for them to make money off of.

that i could stand by jae's side while they built this thing has been an honor and a privilege. but it's also been... hard. really, really hard. seeing them push themselves like this, all 4 of them, has been brutal. i care about these people a lot. obviously i have a bias towards my literal actual wife, but i care about these people a lot. kara was one of my first friends over at discord. colin's my friend, too. aidan's my friend by proxy, even if we've never properly hung out.

assc cares so much about building a better internet, a better place for communities to thrive, and the reward has been... relatively low pay, regular criticism, 24/7 work for at least three straight years, and the fear that it's going to collapse and all have been for nothing--and, at least for jae, the reward has also included grayer hair (which i think is very sexy so it works out).

which is why i'm so fucking proud that they were able to decide how and when to end it, together. i'm proud that the end still means standing on their principles about what the internet should be and who it should be for. i'm proud that they're ending it out of care for one another, while still trying to care for the people who rely on this space for themselves. i'm proud that they tried, and that so many people felt the way i did about this place.

i have too many things to say and i don't have a proper ending for this. at some point i'll tell folks where to find me, though the reality is i'm gonna be kadybat wherever the fuck that is so just look for me wherever and i'll probably be there, even if i post less and less over time. most importantly, i wanted y'all to know how much this matters, and how proud i am of my wife and their friends for making something really cool, even if it didn't last forever.